Lucy has a shirt that has a butterfly on it and the words "social butterfly". I have always been a sort of social butterfly. I take after my dad in that. He knows lots of people, always can find something to say in an awkward moment. Once he was talking so long after church that the little goldfish I had gotten in Primary died from the heat in our car. (I'm from So Cal, so it was really hot in our car). My parents broke down and got call waiting sometime after I was 15 because they complained that I was on the phone so much, they needed to make sure that they could get through if they needed to. In fact, I had an emergency break through once. Ever had one of those? A little scary.
Since we've been married, it has been difficult to be social. He was going to school and working, I was working and teaching piano. Then I was only teaching piano, so that gave me more time to be social. Then my husband joined the Army, and I was living at my parents house, gave birth to our son (w/o my husband), and lived there until Andrew was 8 months old. I had so much freedom to go and do whatever I wanted. It was amazing.
We finally got to Germany, and it took a few months, but once I had friends, it was the best thing ever. I had a great friend that lived right above me, and our husbands got along too. In fact they would spend the morning golfing or drive 3 hours to an indoor soccer tournament. She would come over and we would watch movies or cross stitch or just talk. I had friends where we would just show up at each others door. We lived so closely that we could walk to the others house in 2 minutes. My friends in Germany have become so close that we were family. I've been to Poland with these friends. I've also been to France several times with these friends. My friend that lived upstairs took care of Andrew while I had Lucy. She came over in the middle of the night and slept on our couch. Another took over for her, made homemade pizza, and cleaned my kitchen while I was gone. That same friend left food for us after we got back from being 3 weeks at Walter Reed, knowing that we would be exhausted and knew that we wouldn't want to go to the commissary.
Being here is a little rough for me. Because of Matt's schedule, we can't do much as a couple. I can't really have people over because he is usually in the next room studying, and then goes to bed before 10 every night. This ward is not friendly at all. The people that are, are the military families that are only in the ward for a short time themselves. We live in houses here, not apartments, so we aren't forced to see people as often. There is so far, only one person on post that I can count as a "friend". And I have a few more, but I have to drive at least 10 minutes to get to their houses. And honestly, since we're leaving in December, I find it hard to make any more effort to make any more friends. Instead I am calling all over the country, from Utah, to Montana, Virginia occasionally, North Carolina, California, Arizona.... I live on my phone.
My social butterfly is a bit shriveled right now. It misses the days that I could call Holly and say I need to go for a walk, and she would say, meet you outside in five minutes. And then we would walk around post airing our frustrations, laughing, having deep conversations.....I miss that incredibly. I think that is why I cannot tear myself away from this blog world. I miss the days that Matt and I could stay up late together, or run upstairs to my friend and say that I already made dinner and had a ton, so why don't they just come down and eat. And those were the best times. I love them and miss them so much sometimes, that I wish things could always be like that. Having this blog is being able to read what others are feeling, knowing that I'm not the only one that has felt this way, or being able to empathize with others when they are having a hard time.
Our next area is going to be a short stay too. Only a year. And then he will go to Officer Candidate School, and then finally we will have our PCS (permanent change of station) for hopefully 3 years. I am so excited for that. I'm looking forward to who my new friends will be, and the new adventures we will have as a family, and being able to be that social butterfly again.
Thoughts on David A. Bednar
6 hours ago
5 comments:
your husband's full time studies combined with having very young children to care for, not to mention not having close family around can make for a very intense time. i certainly can't imagine what it must have been like to give birth your son (or was it daughter?) without your husband there and then be without him for months! maybe we should have a blogosphere party and post pics of us cheering each other on. i'll bring the pastries and you can bring the crunchie bars.
This is so true TJ. I was glad to read something that I have been thinking about a lot...
I do think though that together or seperate, short term or long term, good friends or just acquaintances, at church or on base, your social butterfly can still spread it's wings in TX.
You just need to decide what you want from this experience you are having...and then what you are willing to do to get it.
My social butterflyness has shriveled at times, too, but it always seems to learn to fly again.
I agree with what "it's just me" said.
Hang in there!
I agree, it's hard to make friends when you know that you're leaving so soon. If you weren't 4 hours away, I'd come over to play and we can eat European chocolate together. ;o)
We have had trouble finding couples to hang out with, too. Some of my closest (girl) friends' husbands aren't very social, so that makes it hard to get together.
Maybe you need to take the first step (ugh, I know, easier said than done) and invite someone over!
Yes, we went to church in Perigueux. DH said it was about the same size as it was 10 years ago -- not much growth -- which was sad. But, we had fun and had a yummy dinner afterward at the branch pres' house. (The Ramoses)
Oh hon I feel your pain. I am a total extrovert when it comes to social life. My husband is well... not. It doesn't help with him being in school and me having to work 55 hours a week taking care of other children. Hauling 4 toddlers to the park for some social time with the gals just isn't happening. It's been a HUGE struggle for me these past 3 years because of the circumstances that don't allow me to be as social as I'd like.
Some of the things that have truly helped me have been inviting people over for dinner. We don't have much money so sometimes I'll prepare bisquits or something and tell the others to bring toppings and such for them. I decided to do that whether or not K was available. If I waited for that it'd never happen.
It's funny how when you start to truly feel isolated and stuck in one place how just a simple dinner party becomes a life line for your sanity and humanity. It was when I started truly to feel isolated I started blogging to. It's interesting the great friendships I've developed through this thing called the interweb :-)
On another note one of my best friends EVER was made when I only lived in a location for 3 months. She is now a rock in my life and wouldn't have even been in my life if it weren't for the social butterfly coming out regardless of time in location.
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