Sunday, August 31, 2008

Such a long week

So, I seem to have forgotten a lot this week. Between Andrew starting school, that horrible day on Wednesday, and just getting through these last few days, I totally forgot that Andrew had a little talk at church and that I was playing the piano for church. And that I was supposed to choose the songs and have called the person that does the program on Tuesday night. I remembered all of that yesterday. So I quickly threw together a talk for Andrew. Then I went through the hymn book and perused through songs. I had tried to call and find out what the speakers were speaking on. But they never called back. The songs I chose seemed to be ok. Then I messed up on every song. I guess at one of my mistakes I stuck out my tongue as I was getting frustrated. I think I had about 10 things going on in my mind as I was playing which didn't help. On top of which Lucy was stinky all morning. Then once she decided to start behaving, Andrew took up the role of stinky kid. And then Andrew wouldn't even say anything when it was time for him to talk. Needless to say I'm glad that this week is done. But Matt will be in the ER all day tomorrow. So we don't get much of a holiday weekend. And Lucy turns 3 this week. Here's to hoping I remember things this week..........

(gosh I sound whiny this last few posts. maybe tomorrow I'll find something positive to post about)

Friday, August 29, 2008

What's in a name???

Naming your kids. Not an easy thing for most of us. I was lucky. With both my kids, as soon as I knew what sex they were going to be, I knew what their name was going to be. Mostly because I had picked them out a few years earlier.

A few months ago, I wrote this post.
I forgot to mention in this post that many years before, I had discussed that name with my friend and she said she liked it, and I said I didn't. And we had discussed it a few other times. So, I wasn't expecting them to change it. Just was in "I can't believe she really did it" mode.

Names are very personal, and while we all have a right to name our kids what we want to, I sometimes really want to shake some parents and ask them where their common sense has gone. I feel like I can talk about this, having a name that is not common, and having to have dealt with unending questions about "how do you spell that?", "how did they come up with that name?", not to mention getting made fun of. Not only was my first name a different type of name, my last name really didn't do much to rectify the situation. I was voting for a king/queen thing in high school. And at the table where they were marking off that you were voting, a teacher I had never had, told me that if I ever became famous that I wouldn't have to change my name. I think he meant it as a compliment, but I didn't really appreciate it. I have never enjoyed having a "different" name. When all the other kids had things with their name on them, you would never find my name. And the "nicknames" that other kids would call me, when they were really making fun of me. When I got into high school, it was a bit easier because we were a highly diverse school. So the kids from India and Pakistan all had weirder names than I did. One poor guy had the first name of Vipol. Imagine what teenage boys did with that one.

I feel very bad for the people that were born in a different country, and then come here, where their name just sounds horrible. For example, poor Nastia Luikin. I wondered why her parents would name her that, but then found out she was born in Russia. And there were several other kids at my high school that had very cultural names, but many of them had parents that came from a different country, or the child was born there. And I can kind of understand that. What I don't understand is perfectly normal, American parents naming their kids these crazy things. And usually the parents have pretty average common names. Which means they have no idea what it's like to have a "different" type of name. When I think of names for my kids, I think of all the possible ways other kids could make fun of it, of possible nicknames, and of them being able to choose what they are called. My parents have average names, and boy did they choose doozies for me and my sister. The rest of our family has somewhat normal names. And what about those that name their kids normal names, but spell it some crazy way. Like Kamryn. Or Sydni. I mean, seriously. Why torture your kids?

Growing up, I knew some large families that had some strange patterns for naming their kids. One had more than six kids and every one of the kids had the initials J.E.T. Another family had nine kids and all the names started with K. Some people we met in Germany did it alphabetically. Starting with A. And they were all girls with more of the unisex most mostly male names. And you know, there really isn't anything wrong with any of that. I just don't understand why you would want all the pressure to find those names that fit within that very small catagory. I have a friend who has a different kind of theme, one that people won't instantly see. She has a double letter in her name and so does her husband. So do both of their kids. They are currently looking for another one for their next kid. But they don't name their kids crazy and weird things or add another letter to the name to make it fit and screw up the real spelling of the name.

I try REALLY hard to be respectful and not tell people what I really think of their name choices for their kids. But I don't believe in pretending that I LOVE it, and oh, what a beautiful name. I just keep my mouth shut and say nothing. But inside I'm cringing at the future of that kid as they get made fun of. I guess my thought process is, kids find so many things to make fun of each other with, why give them one more by giving them some crazy name???

I feel really bad for the people that have horrible last names. My brother knew a guy with the last name of Philapeanus. How horrible would that be. I can't think of any others right now, but there are plenty of them.

Whats my point? Who knows. I just know how I feel about my "different" name, and what lies in store for these kids that show up to school with the name of Cherry. Or a boy with the name of Shannon. Or a girl with the name of Micheal. Or when celebrities name their kids something like this. I just don't get it.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I am SO TIRED of this day. We woke up to a huge thunderstorm that later turned into a tornado watch. Then we have a tornado warning until 5pm today. Which I cannot wait until it expires. I've been watching our local weather channel all day. Our entire state is dealing with the leftovers from Hurricane Faye. There have been tornado watches all over the state today. If I had somewhere to go that was out of all this weather I would have been long gone. I have barely been able to do anything today too. Luckily Matt came home around lunch time and made lunch for us. It doesn't help that both the kids are just tired. And so am I. Yet another reason why I really hope we move away from here come December. I really miss living in Southern California, where rain was rare. Where I rarely owned a winter coat. Where tornado's were things that we read about in books at school or that we heard about on TV. I may be willing to move back there, even if I have my crazy in laws and my crazy mom close by. I don't know. Maybe once we're out of the military we'll move to Arizona. I have no idea. OK, 40 more minutes until this warning expires. Yeah, I'm a big basket of nerves. I'm going to try and get myself together to sweep my floor, clean up the kitchen a bit more, and get dinner started. Wish me luck.

Monday, August 25, 2008


Today was Andrew Kindergarten Orientation. And our first day of starting to get up early. I think it would have gone a bit better had Matt's self cleaning razor not been so stinkin loud that it woke me up WAY too early. And that I had a hard time getting back to sleep so that I could get up and get going. Hopefully tomorrow Matt will close the bathroom door. And I will get to sleep and not be woken up.

His Orientation wasn't bad. Although his teacher pronounces her name wrong. Her name is DuBois as in doo-bwa. But she says doo-boyz. Seriously. Andrew will be pronouncing it correctly even if no one else does. Just because we're in the south doesn't mean people can't pronounce things right. We pronounce things correctly in our home regardless of the language.

Our car is still not back. A friend from church is letting us borrow her van for the day. Her husband recently left for Korea, so they have a car just sitting around.

I apologize for the lame posts recently. My brain isn't functioning as well as it should. Perhaps once Andrew is in school and I can think a bit clearer, I will be back to my regular posting self.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Today is the day!

Matt is on his way home! Hooray! The kids are excited, and so am I. I'm also hoping for a nap. Maybe not today as he is driving for a while before he gets here. But possibly tomorrow. We also have to get the car taken care of. Sigh. Really hoping that it is easily fixed and won't cost us a quarter of what we make every month. I am picking up the clutter that has accumulated before we left, and since we got back. It isn't that bad. And rather than have the kids help me (bad mom) they are watching a movie in their room. It leaves me to do what I need to do without getting angry and anyone. Sometimes it is better for me to do it this way. But once I get to their bedroom it will be a different story. They will be helping me. Hope your day will be as good as mine!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

What a week

This past week we headed back up to the DC area to see my brother. I haven't seen him in over a year (missed his wedding too because we were moving). Stayed at my friends house again (thanks Anne!) and then met he and his friend in the District. That day was pretty good. Marshall had never been there before. This is us in the Wright Brothers exhibit in the Air and Space Museum. The entire time we were gone, I don't think Andrew took more than one normal smiling picture.

Since I was up there, I called my old companion Dana and asked if we could come by and see her. I haven't seen her since I got married seven years ago! She has 3 kids (Sefa is the one that snuck into our picture) and has one on the way. It was really good to see her. Please remind me to take off my sunglasses for pictures. Sheesh. I look so retarded.
A HUGE bonus from driving up to Maryland was the fact I got to go to Baja Fresh!!! I happen to LOVE LOVE LOVE fish tacos. Most people look at me like I'm crazy when I talk about them. But they are the best kind of tacos out there. Seriously. My favorite ones are far away in San Antonio, but Baja Fresh has some that aren't too bad. Plus the pico de gallo was so yummy. I had two tacos and I almost went back to order another one. So freaking good!!
After we left Baja Fresh I got gas. Got back in the car. I heard this very strange sound that I thought the kids made. They of course said they didn't do it. At the time I thought, yeah right. As I was driving down the street my window went down all by itself. That totally freaked me out and I pulled into a parking lot super fast. Turned off the car. Turned it back on. Window WOULD NOT COME UP. I will remind you that I was in Maryland. And that I had to drive all the way back to North Carolina. To ease my panicky self we stopped by the Washington DC temple.
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Andrew was angry because talking about Jesus is boring. (his words) We went into the Visitors Center and talked to the Sister Missionaries inside. Andrew wouldn't come with us, so he sat in a chair near the front door while an older gentleman missionary tried to talk to him. As you can tell, that didn't brighten his mood very much. I took this picture as we were leaving and yet again, Andrew has his mouth open making a face.

And if you're wondering, yes I did drive 8 hours from Maryland to North Carolina with my window down. Andrew asked me to please try one more time to get the window back up. Just try mom. There was no more trying to be done. It would not come back up. All of us (especially me) were blown like crazy for eight straight hours. They tried to watch a movie, but between the wind and having to turn it up pretty loud to even hear it, that didn't happen much. Listening to music wasn't very helpful either. I was so excited to reach home. It almost rained on us too. Well, it would have only rained on me. I thought we would NEVER GET HOME!!!

Today I've been doing laundry, cleaning up the house, and being very thankful that my kids are playing incredibly well together. So far. These were just highlights of our trip. I will share more when I can sit down and type again. Matt will be home tomorrow (hooray!!) and we'll figure out how to get that window fixed. And after my drive yesterday I want nothing to do with my car for a while. So, don't count on my visiting anyone that isn't within walking distance. Not until my window is fixed.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


When I joined the blogging world, I didn't realize what I was in for. All these decorating blogs, blogs that post pretty things, and opening my mind to new ideas. Who knew?? I have had my mind opened up to two very different things, which I've been trying to reconcile for a while.

The first one is being more earth friendly. And I've really been doing that. I have been buying at our local Farmers Market as much as I can. I've been recycling like crazy. I use my reusable grocery bags about 95% of the time I go to the commissary. I buy earth friendly cleaning and personal products. I try to turn off the lights as much as I can. I try to walk as many places as I can. And I've been on the same tank of gas for almost 3 weeks. I've even been using biodegradable flushable wipes for Lucy. We also shop on ebay for almost everything we can rather than buying new. I feel like I'm doing really well with this. I could always do more, like grow my own vegetables, have a compost, and never go to Walmart ever again. We'll see where we move next and see how well I can do those last few things.

The other one is beautiful things. I know that sounds ambiguous, but thats the best way I can describe it. Beautiful pictures for your walls. Beautiful clothes. Beautiful furniture. Beautiful kids toys. Beautiful organizing stuff. Beautiful stationary and cards. Just beautiful everything. I never even knew some of this stuff existed. And I find that I LOVE it. The problem is I do not have a financial situation that will allow me to indulge in those sorts of things. At least not the way I would like to. Some of it is earth friendly. Some of it does support small businesses and moms that are working from home to stay with their kids. But most of it doesn't. And as much as it is eye candy for me and every one else that sees it, most of us just can't afford it. Occasionally I can, when I find something really great on Etsy or Ebay, or when I find something awesome at TJ MAXX or Marshalls or (my favorite) Ross. Sometimes even at Hobby Lobby. So I am thinking about weaning myself off of those types of blogs. Maybe trying to find more do-it-yourself type of blogs where I can learn how to do what I want for less money. Another thing that bothers me about these blogs is that there is a lot of commercialism. And while many of them are done by sahms, I just get so tired of all of the commercialism.

So, do you see my problem?? I'm working on it, trying to find a way to make my home, what we wear, and the things we use beautiful and good for the earth. Not always easy. But I'm trying. And I'm sure it will be a bit easier once Matt is an officer (can't wait for January!!) and I'll have a bit more to work with. And maybe be able to live in a place where I can compost!!!

What do you guys do to reconcile these things? Is it hard? What makes it easier for you?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Today it is raining, and it's the exact rain that I like. No thunder. No strong winds. No lightning. No severe weather warnings. Just the kind that comes down slow and steady. I love it. I get to wear jeans today, which I haven't worn in a while since it's been so hot. Today it's in the 70's. Which for me is on it's way to being cold. And wearing my nice dark jeans always makes me look and feel lots skinnier than I really am. So glad we went to the park yesterday. We'll just have to find some good indoor activities that we haven't done in a while. If I can tear Andrew from Mario Kart. It will most likely involve some screaming, but I can handle that. Yay for nice regular old rain.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


A magical thing just occurred. Lucy did not have her pacifier again, but I learned a little trick. Even though I don't lock the door, she can't open the bedroom door. So, I close the door, with the light on, and just let her scream. I went in a few minutes ago, and she was laying in her bed totally sleeping. Awesome. And while rereading my earlier post today, I realized that I used the phrase "hit by a truck" twice. I must have been tired enough not to proofread. Oh well. I've been tired all day. I am going to get to bed early tonight, well, early for me, and I am hoping to feel better tomorrow. I've invited some friends over for dinner to try my quinoa lasagna, so I need to be up and running tomorrow so that I can vacuum, hit the store, clean up the kids room and declutter the living room. Not to mention actually make the dinner. Off to watch the Olympics. If my cable can stop being would think they would make sure that it didn't act up ESPECIALLY during the Olympics.


I feel like I've been hit by a truck this morning. Lucy made a mess yesterday, wouldn't clean it up, so I told her no pacifier for her at bedtime. Well, when that came around she was really upset. She stayed up until midnight and finally fell asleep on the floor. I don't know exactly because I fell asleep on the couch because I was so tired. This morning I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Both kids were up at 8, and I sure wasn't. I was hoping to do my tae bo this morning, but that will not be happening. It's barely 10am and I'm done for the day. But it's nice out so maybe we'll hit the park early today. Anyone want to come?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Some Sunday thoughts

So, anyone else out there Olympic junkies? We've been watching it on and off today. And yesterday. And now that the kids are sleeping, I'm watching the womens gymnastics. It is POURING outside. And on this roof, it sounds much worse than it usually is.

I spent most of Sacrament meeting in the foyer with Lucy in time out. So much fun. Gave my friend Nicole lots to laugh at though. Andrew was great, behaving himself the entire time I was gone. Give the kid some paper and a pen, and he is good to go.

Last night another roach ventured into my house. And I just don't get it. I may not be the greatest housekeeper. But I'm sure not dirty. My floors get mopped. My carpet gets vacuumed. My dishes get washed, and my clothes are washed. WHY????

I'm hoping to get to the beach this week. We'll see what the weather holds. Never had to worry about the weather at home when you went to the beach. You just go. And the sun is always there. Well, almost. Otherwise, we don't have much going on this week.

I've got a new book I want to read. But I think I'll devote an entire post to it. So I won't tell you about it yet.

We're getting closer to the point where we find out what our options are going to be for our next move. I'm a little anxious. There is this supposed Fort Bragg Curse that once you get here, you don't leave. Well, not for a while anyway. There are a few people in the ward that have been here for a long time for a military family. I'm really hoping that the curse does not fall upon us. I'm not even going to say where I want to go because I don't want to jinx it. We'll just have to wait and see what happens.

School starts in two weeks!!! Andrew is very very excited and so am I. We've got his school supplies all ready to go. All except one thing. Which is an outfit to keep at the school just in case he messes up what he is wearing. The chances of that happening are slim. He doesn't do it here, and never did it PreK.

I think I'm done with thunderstorms that are always getting a severe thunderstorm warning.

I haven't filled up our van since Matt left (two weeks ago) and I'm just under half a tank. We haven't done too much around here. And with gas going down in price, I just might do something this week more than go to the commissary. And they are going down just in time for my trip to DC.

So, those are some random thoughts in my head tonight.

Friday, August 8, 2008


~~I have changed my commenting name to TJ for your information, so that the next time you see TJ commenting, it's just me~~

My friend Nicole tagged me for this a few days ago. And since I haven't done one in a while, I thought I would actually do it. Although I won't tag anyone. I just don't know who reads my blog (I think maybe there are four of you) so kinda pointless to tag someone that will never read this.

3 Joys:

1. Being in France
2. My kids playing nicely and allowing me to be productive
3. Hanging out with any of my siblings

3 Fears:

1. Flying on airplanes
2. Becoming any more like my mother
3. Dying and leaving my kids without a mom

3 Goals:

1. Keep progressing in my housecleaning abilities
2. Trying to be more edifying in the words I say (really, I try, just sometimes.....well, it just doesn't work)
3. Try and let go of those last bits of judgementalism that I still have hanging around (ok, maybe they are more than bits, but I REALLY am trying to let go of them)

Current obsession:

Honestly, nothing major right now. Maybe housecleaning?? At least I've never been this on top of it, so I guess thats kind of obsessive.

Random fact you may not know about me:

Storm drains and regular drains totally freak me out. My dad took me to see The Incredible Shrinking Woman when I was a little girl, and she went down a drain. I wouldn't take a bath, and would scream the whole time during a bath. I would worry about my sister going down the drain. To this day, getting out of a car and seeing a drain near my feet really freaks me out. Or riding a bike next to one. That one scene in Beautiful Girls where one of them goes in the storm drain just about puts me over the edge. Yeah, blame my dad.

That’s your daily dose of me.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

What do you think??

I had an interesting discussion with my husband last night. Andrew had prayed that a certain boy that sometimes is at the park would be nice to him. I told my husband about that and he started talking about another little boy that had bit Andrew a few months ago. We'll call that little boy K. K would have problems only when Andrew would go over to his house. Very possessive and controlling to Andrew when he was over. But when K was at our house or when they boys were at the park there was never any problems, other than the normal stuff between little boys. So, Matt was saying how he doesn't want our kids to think that they should be friends with people that abuse them. I responded saying that I don't think one little boy biting another little boy ONCE classifies as abuse. Boys are very physical. K had punched him once too. But how many times has Andrew hit Lucy?? Anyway, Matt disagreed siting an abusive husband shouldn't be gone back to, even if he's only hit the wife once. I think that is COMPLETELY different than two 5 year old little boys who are learning how to control their bodies and how to treat others around them. Back when the incident occurred, Matt didn't want Andrew going back to their house. Which he hasn't. K hasn't been over here either. But they were gone for a while too. Anyway, my question is what do you consider abusive behavior in small children? Would you keep your kids from playing with other kids when there has only been one or two incidents? Matt was the youngest in his family and hasn't really been around kids very much. Whereas I am the oldest of six kids, babysat a ton growing up and I feel like I am a pretty good judge of who my kids can play with and who they can't. I have a feeling that this might cause some conflict in the future, so I was wondering about any experiences all of you have had and how you dealt with them. I feel like if I'm going to be able to change Matt's mind or at least give him a different perspective I should be well prepared with some really good arguments........

This is one crazy story

I'm sure you've heard of that crazy lady that sold her house to clone her dog.....seriously crazy. Anyway, today I read this. Wow. I had never even heard of this story before. And what is so so funny is that the missionary was supposedly wearing a Mormon chastity belt. SERIOUSLY!!!!!! What is that??? Are they kidding?? We might wear different kind of underwear, but a chastity belt?? Wow. That is just killing me.....

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I hate Walmart

Went to Walmart today as our weekly outing off post. I needed to get the oil changed in the car, and since it takes a long time at Walmart, I figured we would do Andrews school supply shopping while we waited.

I thought I did remarkably well for me. Usually I pick up stuff like crazy in there. But I was able to really keep to what our list was, and then just very few other things. For example, they had these magnifying glasses that were cute and only $1. So, each kid got one. And their bubble no spill buckets were on clearance, so we got one of those because the kids LOVE bubbles. I didn't buy any books (I stayed far away from that section) and even though I looked at the clothes for the kids, I didn't buy any of those either. I try really hard to not even go to Walmart in the first place. So the fact that I could stick to our list so well is a huge accomplishment for me. The few extra things I got were a little expensive. Like my biodegradable flushable wipes for Lucy. I bought 4 so I wouldn't have to go back for a while. And the Annie's chocolate chip bunnies and the chocolate bunnies were a little expensive. But I did good. I just dislike Walmart more and more every time I go. So many people, and most of the stuff they sell is just junk. I would much rather go on ebay and get the same thing or better. Someday I hope to never shop at Walmart.

I also hit the PX after Walmart because we couldn't find one thing at Walmart. And I did pretty good at the PX too. I got a few things for the kids birthday's because they were on sale. But stuck to what we needed. I'm doing better!!!! Hooray!! I did almost buy a really cute purse, but I refrained.

We ate at the McDonalds in Walmart. I hate McDonalds too. I can't even tell you the last time I ate there. The fries were nasty, but my sandwich was surprisingly good. The southern chicken sandwich. They also had a Fruitopia drink in the drink fountain, so that was great to have a non carbonated choice other than water. The kids got apple dippers (but the girl forgot to give us the caramel. oh well) And now I'm suffering from the effects of said lunch. Oh well.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Wii Fit

I got out my Wii Fit last week, and I am loving it! Overall I am liking it other than the smarty comments it makes when you miss a day or when you don't do it exactly how it wants you too. On the balance games, when I didn't score very high it called me unbalanced. It made me laugh. I always thought I was. :) Maybe in a few weeks I won't be so unbalanced. You try hitting a virtual soccer ball with your head by just shifting your weight.....

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Since it's Sunday

I thought I would do a semi-spiritual post. I rarely do these, mostly because my spiritual moments are kinda personal. But today, I just feel like sharing this.....

I went to Time Out For Women, put on my Deseret Book last September. My sister and I went (it took a lot of coordinating for us to work this out, but it did) at the one in Phoenix, AZ. I knew that they would mostly be selling the books of the speakers, but they also had a CD of songs that they were selling, that was a Time Out CD. Since it wasn't very much and I love music, I bought it. My favorite song on it is called Who You Are. Yeah, it was written by an LDS woman, for LDS women. But I think it applies to any woman who has faith in God and is really trying every day to do the best she can. Whatever that might be. So, since I can't sing it for you (ha, that would be funny) I will type up the words so that you can read it. The words by themselves are great, but hearing them to music.....something about music.....anyway, here it is:

I know you wonder if you'll ever have a day
When the kids stay calm, the laundry's done and the dishes are put away
And sometimes you feel like your days are spent and gone
And the question running through your mind is what have I gotten done?
and when you finally have a moment to slow down
At the end of the day I know Father would say
Believe in what you're doing
Believe in who you are
And hold tight to the truth that you're a daughter of God
Believe in who you're becoming
Believe in who you are

(i can't even type the darn thing without crying)

It may seem simple all the little things you do but the lives you touch matter so much
And there's no one else like you
And Father needs you to stand tall and faithful
To be all you can be
Oh if you could see what He sees you'd
Believe in what you're doing
You'd believe in who you are
So hold tight to the truth that you're a daughter of God
Believe in who you're becoming
Believe in who you are

When it's hard to believe in yourself
And you feel like you're beginning to doubt
He believes in what you're doing
He believes in who you are
So don't lose sight of the truth that you're a daughter of God
That He believes in who you're becoming
He believes in who you are

My mom never seemed like she enjoyed being a mother. She seemed to always be upset about our lack of cleaning skills or our ability to leave our stuff every where. And if we didn't do EXACTLY what she wanted us to do, we were out of favor. Since I knew nothing else, that is what I thought a mother should be like. So wrong. Unfortunately, I still do some of those things. I'm trying to just enjoy being a mom. Realizing that if all the laundry doesn't get done, oh well. It's not like your kids are going to remember that you always got the laundry done. They will remember you taking them to the park, to the pool. Playing with them, and just doing your best.

Growing up, I had a hard time believing that I was important or that He even knew what was going on with me. My mom was pretty critical of me (still is, some things never change) and I had a hard time finding any value in myself. Leaving home has helped with that a lot. My self esteem has skyrocketed. I have a much better grasp on who I am now, and what I can be. As much as being a mom can really suck some days (don't tell me you don't all have those days because you do even if you don't admit it) there are more good days than bad ones. Focusing on being a mom is what I'm supposed to be doing right now. This song gives me hope, helps me to know I am getting the help that I need from Him to get me through. And to know that I'm not the only one who has those days.