Saturday, May 16, 2009

Disconnected

For Sunday Scribblings

Since becoming a military family almost six years ago, I have felt a huge disconnect with civilians. And, honestly, I was just like them before. I had no idea what BDU stood for (battle dress uniform, commonly referred to as camouflage), PCS (permanent change of station), and other acronyms that I can't think of right now. Civilians (in general) I would say know very little of what our lives are truly like. I had no idea either. I've learned a ton in the last six years, and now I struggle living in a civilian world. I spent the last four months in a very non military area. I can't tell you how many times I had to explain what my husband was doing. And when I told them that my husband would most likely deploy later in the year, I got these sad faces. Comments like "oh, that's so hard" and things like that. It got a little tiring. I got tired of explaining. I got tired of people feeling sorry for me. What I really needed was for people to just be my friend. While I'm not living on post anymore, we live in a community that is full of military families. And most of my neighbors are military. And I'm hoping that I'll find some connections here. Because I just don't want to be lonely.

16 comments:

Weronika said...

I don't think anyone wants to be lonely.

I can't say that I understand, because I don't, but I hope that you are able to find some connections and satisfaction soon. :)

Cheers!

AD said...

i dont wanna be lonely either and as for the moment i am, it scares me...
for an ever lonliness :(

http://whenhekissesher.wordpress.com/2009/05/16/disconnected/

Happy SS

yyam said...

Hi! I can't say I understand your situation but the thought of being apart from your loved one for any period of time is always hard.

There's this scrapbooker whose blog I read.
http://stephaniehowell.typepad.com. Her husband's deployed in Afghanistan and she blogs about how she copes when he's away..Hope that link can be some form of connection for you. Have a great Sunday!

June said...

I have never been a part of a "military family," and have never closely known anyone whose family members were in active service. There is a woman, who contributes to a messageboard I sometimes check, whose husband is active and her Whole Life is about the military. She can't work at certain jobs because they wouldn't be appropriate for an officer's wife, for example. I feel I must congratulate you on being more than a military wife!

I think, from this one squint at your blog (and I will be back), you might be the exception to what appears to be the rule that to be a Military Family means that you are automatically set apart. Hence all the acronyms: it's a whole separate language.

When young people go off to bootcamp, the whole deal is to divorce them from Real Life and indoctrinate them into the Other, and I imagine that sort of thing continues throughout a military career.

June said...

Pourquois disez-vous: "MAIS UNE VRAI FRANCAISE"?

GreenishLady said...

"disconnected" seems to really fit in your situation. That must be difficult. I have a friend who's ex-military, and was an "army-brat" too. It certainly feels like hearing about another world when she speaks of her life then and now. I hope you will find connections that fit for you.

TJ said...

june, j'habitais a france pour 18 mois, j'aime beaucoup la france. on a habite en allemagne avec le militaire pour deux ans et demi et je suis alle plusieurs fois. la france me manque beaucoup. vous parlez francais aussi?

TJ said...

yyam, thank you for the link to her blog! i'll be adding her to my list.:)

June said...

Ah oui, un peu, merci!
J'ai étudié la belle langue de sept ou huit ans, lorsque j'étais à l'école il y a cent ans. J'ai perdu la quasi-totalité de ma capacité à parler, mais je peux le lire correctement.

TJ said...

june, how did you get all those accents in there? maybe i'm just lazy.:) and my french is really bad, but hopefully i'll be able to take classes again. it's in there, mais c'est un peu perdu, quoi.

A Girl Named Me said...

I'm betting that living more near military families will help you feel more connected. I am hoping so, anyway. It's a hard thing -- feeling that we don't relate.

xoxo

Tumblewords: said...

I've learned that it's not easy to find people to relate to regardless of situation. Most people have a tiny view of life/the world and aren't overly interested in shucking that comfort. Good luck!

June said...

I cheated: that's how I got the accents in there. I couldn't remember "lorsque" and went to Google translator, and went for tranlsation of my whole reply.
{blush}

gautami tripathy said...

Try connecting more with the military family..

SS: tangled mess

Dee Martin said...

We aren't a military family but we have moved a lot and I have experienced starting over in a community. For some years when the kids were smaller I was a stay at home mom so while my husband would make friends at his job, it was a slower process for me. It always took a little time but I would eventually make new friends. I know you will too.

Mary Emma Allen said...

I was a military wife for a number of years back in the Vietnam era. We always lived off base, but near the base where my husband was a pilot. Basically I liked the life as a military wife and found friends both on base and in the community. I did have many hobbies to keep me busy when hubby was away and started my writing career then, too. Our daughter was born while we were in the Air Force. If Jim hadn't been in the military, we probably wouldn't have seen so much of the country and lived in different parts of it.