My thoughts this evening

I've been noticing something odd when I go to Walmart. As I'm pushing my cart around the store, my hands keep getting an electric shock. At first, I thought I was just putting too much pressure on my hands as I was pushing it. But then it kept coming. It really hurts. I asked the cashier as I was checking out if it was normal for people to get electric shocks from the carts. She said only a few people get shocked. Great. But then she said to choose the carts with the blue handles, because they don't do that. Hope I can find a blue handled cart the next time I have to go.

We've had beautiful weather lately. Every morning I wonder if that's the day the clouds are going to come back. So far, so good.

Our stuff arrives on Monday. My back will be so excited to have our mattress and our couches back. And so will my bum. The stools we have up to our island really hurt to sit on them. We spent time cleaning up the house and getting stuff ready for our stuff. I still need to borrow a vacuum so that I can vacuum the whole house.

I haven't exercised all week, and I feel really mushy. I found out about a local women's gym, that has child care. Kind of excited about that!! Sadly, I can't find their information online so that I can call them. So odd. I'm going to see if they have a trial period where I don't have to commit to the whole year. A lot of women at church go there, so I will have a few workout friends, and hopefully the kids will have friends in the child care.

Found a fantastic park about 15 minutes away. Our little town has a few parks, but most of them are just sad parks. This one I found is in the next city over, and it has a huge pond right next to it, a dog park, and a ton of grass and you almost feel like you're in the forest. It was great, and even though it's a little bit of a drive, it's worth it.

I'm getting excited to cook in my own kitchen with my own kitchen things. It's been five months since I've been able to really cook like I want. Or bake. Gosh, I'll be baking for a whole month. And this is always the time where I almost enjoy making dinners.

Things are getting back to normal.

Sometimes, you don't want to be right

Because right now, I am right. I WAS right. And it really sucks that I was. My husband just got an emotional kick in the crotch (forgive the visual, but really, can't think of any other way to describe it) and he is pretending like it doesn't hurt. At least not that much, and is keeping it all to himself. I'm giving him his space and told him I won't talk to him about it until after church on Sunday. Hopefully I can stick to that. I almost said something last night, but with much effort, refrained. I wrote about 4 pages in my journal last night. There will be more added tonight I'm sure.

Years ago, like around 5 or so, I said that if we didn't do this thing, that it would come back and bite us in the rear. He assured me that we didn't have to do that thing, and things would be fine. Over and over again. I stopped saying it. In fact, I almost forgot about it. And yet, here we are. I hurt for him. I don't hurt at all for myself. Or for my kids. What kicked my husband, only touched me a little. And doesn't even touch the kids.

I haven't said the words "I told you so" at all. Not helpful. My concern right now is helping him deal with this. Sigh. Really, being right is not always good.

So darn tired of this

I am getting tired of this friends. Just plain tired. I'm tired of moving into wards (a congregation) where it's so big that the people that are in charge are overwhelmed, and aren't able to meet the needs of their members. I'm tired of moving into a part military ward, and having the people that have been there for YEARS (and I'm talking born, raised, the whole thing) hardly give us the time of day. I'm tired of myself or others I know falling through the cracks because of this or that. I'M TIRED OF IT!!!!!!

I mean, we've been there four Sundays in a row. Four. And neither the Relief Society President or the Bishop have said much (or anything) to either of us. But also, nor have I or Matt made a huge effort to go up to them and introduce ourselves and make ourselves known. So, that is where I'm going to start. But it's not going to stop with just that. There are SO many changes that need to be made. It's not just for me. Who knows how many people have fallen through the cracks, in these kinds of wards?? While we aren't perfect, and there will always be some that do fall through, we have to at least try!!!!! There isn't a whole lot of trying going on here. I have made some efforts. I went to playgroup last week, I was going to go walking with another group, but my back hurt so badly, I stayed home. I'm not sitting in the corner, wondering why no one will talk to me, while not doing anything about it. I need to do more though. And things need to be done for those others that don't think they can do anything about it.

In some ways, this is a little selfish. Matt will deploy soon. And, gosh darn it, I need the support!!! I need to have friends that I know I can call on if I'm in a situation. I need friends husbands to come and help do stuff in my house that requires more physical strength than what I have. I need someone to watch my kids every now and then so that I can rest. I also need to be able to help my friends who are in the same situation. I want there to be a whole bunch of giving and receiving going on. Helping to pick up where someone else can't, and know, that when you can't do it, there will be someone there. It is possible!!! I have experienced this before so I KNOW it can happen.

The size of the ward is a problem. It NEEDS to be split. Not only are there not enough callings to go around, but the people in charge of Primary, Relief Society, and the rest are so overwhelmed that they just cannot do it all. But, supposedly, the building can't handle having three wards there. There are good arguments for both sides. But really, if you want it to happen it will.

Here's another thing I have a problem with. There isn't a member of either the bishopric or Relief Society presidency that is affiliated with the military. Not one. Not a counselor, not even a secretary. Which is a problem. Because we make up at least a third of the ward, if not more. And I've been to the meetings that they all go to. And if there isn't someone bringing up the needs of the military families, someone that is very aware of them, things aren't going to be helped. We need a voice in ward council and in the other meetings.

I can't change peoples callings. I can't change the ward boundaries. I can't change peoples behaviors. But I can go talk to the bishop about my concerns. I can tell him that there are too many people falling through. I can go in with a plan, and a willingness to do what I can to change things. I can organize a family home evening once a month for the families whose spouses are deployed. We can have a girls night out once a month for the wives of those husbands who are deployed. And provide a babysitter(s). We can call them and check on them to make sure they are not going crazy. And several other things that would not only help the military families, but the civilian families.

I have a feeling that some of these things might be really out of some peoples comfort zones. And as a result of that and the fact I want to change things (oh no!! change!!!! we can't change!!! this is how we've ALWAYS done it!!!) some of those people might not like me very much. Oh well. Heaven forbid someone does something about the problems. Like I said before, I'm getting tired of this. And darn it, I'm going to do something about it.

Glee

Have any of you seen this show? I think I'm hooked. And this is just the last thing they sang. I need to go set my DVR.

The cost of not having furniture

We've been in our house now for about 3 weeks. We still do not have our household goods. Some very nice friends let us borrow things to sleep on.

I think sleeping on an air mattress for three weeks is getting to me. I have slept on my back before, but never woken up in so much pain. And I didn't even sleep on my back the whole night. Today, walking is painful. Getting up or down is painful. We've iced my back, and I took an Ibuprofen. We'll see when the pain goes. I can't even reach down into the fridge and get the milk out. And I was going to go walking with a group at church this morning. Yeah, that didn't happen. Kind of irritated because the sun is out, not a lot of clouds, it's a BEAUTIFUL day. And my back hurts. And UPS hasn't come with our new lawnmower. And with my back like it is, I can't use it anyway. Darn, Matt will have to mow the lawn.:)

I KNEW this was coming....but......

Matt called me today. He had started in processing. And he had news. The biggest of which is that instead of Iraq, he'll be going to Afghanistan. And soon. Whatever that means. Sigh. I have been trying to tell myself that this day would come for a long time. I had kind of gotten ok with Iraq. But. Afghanistan. Time to start getting used to that. And I've probably said this before, but I tell myself that my husband isn't going to be fighting. He's going to save these guys who have to do the fighting so that they can come back to their families. So, now to start getting used to another change in our plans. At least the sun is out today! And should be for a few days thank goodness.:)

What we've been doing

We haven't been too busy around here. It has rained off and on the entire time we've been here. Not so good for me. The other day, Matt and Andrew ran to the park. We drove and met them there with the soccer balls. They all wanted to run home.

We went to a small state park on the Puget Sound today. In the rain. And of course it stopped once we got home. Darn rain.

Yum

Yesterday my brother came to visit! He and his wife were up here visiting friends for the weekend, and came to our little town yesterday morning. Sadly, we have no furniture, nor did we have a lot of time to do anything terribly fun. But. My brother has a friend that works on Air France and flies between Paris and the States often. And he just happened to be in Seattle the same time my brother was. Which I knew about a month ago. So I requested a few little things for him to bring me.:) I got me some treats yesterday!!! After my brother came here, I followed them up to Seattle and met up with his friend, which we'll call K (mostly because I don't know how to spell his name) and his friend A at the Cheesecake factory. I ate good food, spoke franglais, and got to hang out with my brother. I had met K four years ago. He got us a fantastic hotel in Les Grands Avenues in Paris for super cheap. My mom had been visiting me in Germany, picked my brother up in Switzerland, and then right before they flew back, we hopped on the train to Paris. I had a sick 18 month old, pregnant, and had been with my mom for 7 weeks. So when K told me I looked younger than I did four years ago, it felt kinda good. And then he said that he didn't remember me being so fun. Hmmmm, pregnant, sick toddler, walking all over Paris with a mother that has no idea of how to blend in or how to treat people when you're in a different country.....I was cranky. It was a lot of fun. And I have a ton of leftover food in my fridge from my meal because I couldn't finish!! And now that Andrew is sleeping, I might bust out my dulce de leche cheesecake. I am so excited about the treats that K brought me. Haven't had my Suchard Rochers yet, but maybe after the cheesecake........

Disconnected

For Sunday Scribblings

Since becoming a military family almost six years ago, I have felt a huge disconnect with civilians. And, honestly, I was just like them before. I had no idea what BDU stood for (battle dress uniform, commonly referred to as camouflage), PCS (permanent change of station), and other acronyms that I can't think of right now. Civilians (in general) I would say know very little of what our lives are truly like. I had no idea either. I've learned a ton in the last six years, and now I struggle living in a civilian world. I spent the last four months in a very non military area. I can't tell you how many times I had to explain what my husband was doing. And when I told them that my husband would most likely deploy later in the year, I got these sad faces. Comments like "oh, that's so hard" and things like that. It got a little tiring. I got tired of explaining. I got tired of people feeling sorry for me. What I really needed was for people to just be my friend. While I'm not living on post anymore, we live in a community that is full of military families. And most of my neighbors are military. And I'm hoping that I'll find some connections here. Because I just don't want to be lonely.

I feel much better

I found something to keep me from losing my mind. Looking up wall vinyl on Etsy and figuring out how I'm going to decorate our house without painting. Because I hate painting. So, here is what I've found so far.

I love this big yellow flower for my kitchen. My kitchen is blue and yellow, and this would be awesome. And, it's a great price!

This one I would like somewhere in the loft upstairs, or in the living area. Not sure. But I've always wanted something with these words on it. Not that it will actually help because Andrew is still learning to read and Lucy can't. But it will help me! Cause I whine too.

I love these brown flowers for our room. I need to get us a new quilt, too. And the things I've been leaning towards are white/beige/brown colors. Matt doesn't care what I do to our room as long as it isn't a throw up of pink flowers and the like.

These next two I'm thinking of putting in our loft area. It is a large room, and I'm pretty sure it will be the play room/everything room. And since it is dreary here, I thought that putting bright colored trees and maybe finding an awesome looking sun and a few flowers, it would brighten it up. I found them here and here.

Andrew loves planets and space. And I found this for his room. He does love Spiderman also, but I think the planet theme will last longer than Spiderman. And the planet thing is a whole lot less expensive. Yeah, I'm cheap.

How awesome is this for my laundry room??? I'm so excited for this one!!!

And I think my kitchen needs this. There were several different ones, but this one was the least expensive. And the least ornate.

I know I could paint, and I still might. But I just hate doing it. And this house isn't permanent. These don't require a ton of work like painting does, aren't near as messy. And when we leave, I just peel it off. Sadly, I won't be able to take it with me, but that's the great thing about moving so much. All the potential for change!!! I'm off to purchase of few of these. I am still working on Lucy's room, and what to do with my living/dining area. If anyone has ideas, please share. Because when it comes to interior decorating/design......I'm still learning.

Cold and Cloudy

That is what the weather is here. I think we saw the sun briefly sometime on Tuesday, but it was still cold. And it rained most of yesterday.

I just looked up full spectrum lights on ebay.

I'm sure it will get better once I have my stuff, and I start knowing a few people and have things to do. But right now, nothing.

But it is currently 10:38 and I am still in jammies and my robe.

White teeth

So, I'm realizing that I don't have the whitest teeth. I bought Crest white strips, but I put one on my top teeth and thought I might start to gag. Not a big fan of non food items in my mouth. I could try again, and just gag my way through it, but I thought some of you might have a few suggestions for me. I know I could just go to a dentist and have him do it. I'm looking for less expensive ways of getting that same result, or at least close to it. And really, I just don't have very good teeth. At least on top. Thank you orthodontist for putting a pallet expander up there which destroyed any enamel I might have had. Sometimes I wish they would have just pulled two teeth. Would have saved me a lot of torture during those crucial high school years.........

Mayo and Walmart

This past week, we went to the local KFC for dinner. It is a KFC/Taco Bell, and I was the only one that got anything from the KFC part. I also don't like mayonnaise. And I try really hard to remember to always ask if there is any on the sandwich, and then if there is for NO mayo. None.

I asked the girl at the register, and she didn't know. She asked one of the girls working there if there was any mayonnaise on the sandwich I ordered. I had already said that I didn't want any on the sandwich. She was told that there was pepper mayo on it. So, she looked at me and said no there wasn't any mayonnaise, there was pepper mayo on it. Hmm. She was serious. I said, again, no mayonnaise please. Sigh.

I was also hit on last weekend at Walmart. Which in and of itself is kind of funny. But his pick up line was "are you a dancer?" Are you kidding? Uh, no. And no, I'm not 24. And dude you are at least 45 and why the heck are you trying to pick up on someone in Walmart??? Needless to say, since he was behind me in line, I almost ran to my car.

And does any one else perpetually stare at their feet after they get a pedicure?

Healing

This post is for this weeks Sunday Scribblings.

Sometimes you think you've healed, when all you've really done is put it in a box and hidden it away. You don't touch it, you feel healed. But. Then something unexpected makes that box burst open and you feel as raw as when you first had that horrible experience. And you're confused, because you thought you were done with that whole thing.

So, you try and heal again. But the only way to do it is to confront it, to keep it out of that box. And you need to pray. Pray for the help you need to heal. And after you've worked at it for a while, you just might heal. Would that our emotions healed as well as our bodies.

I don't think I have ever been this lazy

We've been in this house for a week now.

We have no access to any TV other than on the internet.

We barely have internet as we are using any unsecured network we can get our dirty little wireless connections on.

I find little motivation to do anything in this house, although I have done the dishes a few times. You know, put the paper ones in the trash and wash the plastic forks and spoons in the spirit of reusing things.

I already have my mothers day gift. Which was.....wait for it......something so very thoughtful........it is a.........small vacuum that will allow me to vacuum our carpeted stairs. Awesome. And really, it is. Because the vacuum that will arrive soon (hopefully) is way too huge to use on stairs. I've fallen down stairs with a vacuum. It was not pretty.

I think I'm reveling in the laziness. Because as soon as our household goods arrive, all laziness must be gone gone. There will be boxes to unpack, rooms to organize, and things to hang. I don't think I've ever had so much time to think about where to put things. I guess more than about five minutes would be a lot since that is usually how much time I have once we've gotten the place and the time we get our stuff.

I've had a few people, mostly not on this blog, ask for pictures. Those will come when furniture is in and things are put away. Because a big empty room with a TV on the ground, and bedrooms with only a mattress on the ground really aren't interesting.

Just give me a minute to whine please

We are in our house. Granted, we have no furniture to put in it yet because our stuff was still in NC. We're surviving.

The shower in our bathroom is a shower stall. With clear glass on two sides. The clear glass bothers me a little (there is a mirror directly across from the shower. which I forget about and sometimes am a little surprised to see me looking back at me) but what bothers me the most is that it is a stall. I HATE shower stalls. Shaving legs becomes not just a necessity, but a skill. How best to position the water? Is there even a small ledge on which to prop my foot so that I'm not standing on my head trying to shave? How to position myself so that all the expensive but awesome and amazing shave creme doesn't completely run off my leg before I get to it???? So aggravating. We've had shower stalls before, in our second apartment in Germany, and our house in NC. Never liked them, and will never like them. Unless someone out there gets a few brains and makes them a little more shaving friendly.

Alright. Feeling a little better.

Confession

(This is for Sunday Scribblings)

What do I have to confess this week?

~I really am not excited to live where we are currently living. I think I like my house, especially my kitchen. But this area? No. I'm worried about my state of mind during the winter. And if I will make it through without antidepressants. (seriously, I'm not joking at all)

~I hate video games. Really really hate them. The Wii isn't near as bad because you're not just sitting on your butt the whole time. And the Wii Fit is a little fun. But I really really hate the games where you're just fighting people and killing and shooting and people are yelling obscenities in different languages. Which be it 007, Call of Duty, Halo.....they're all the same dumb game. And don't give me that crap about hand eye coordination. You can get that by so many other ways.

~I love wearing tall shoes. I love love it. I'm almost 6' 4" when I do it, but i don't care. I love how I feel in them. And it's kind of exciting that I am a little intimidating when I wear them. Of course that's gone once they see me in jeans and flats.

~I am thinking about buying a label maker. Just to see if it can help me (and the rest of my family) to be more organized in this house.

Those are kind of lame confessions, but I just don't have much to confess.

Go me

So, today, Lucy was looking out our new sliding back door, and saw a little boy and of course she said hi. He happened to be our neighbor and invited the kids over to play. I told him to ask his mom, and she said yes. I walked the kids over, and introduced myself to the mom. Yay! A friend in the neighborhood. The little boy is 9, and has autism, but very high functioning. So even if he's 9, is happy to play with kids much younger than he is. She seems nice, and we'll see how things go with the people in this new neighborhood.

Nothing else much to report. I hung my clothes up. And some of the kids clothes. Yeah, pretty boring. Maybe tomorrow I'll be more exciting.