My first woman to woman

I really don't have a child with any specific problems other than the fact that he is 3 and a half and has so much energy he doesn't know what to do. I feel that my kids are just like everyone else's. Lots of energy, fairly average all around with their development. I don't think that they are difficult: I am a difficult mother. By that I mean that I get emotional and lose my control very quickly. Part of the problem is that I was taught to do that by my own mother. And until recently I didn't realize that. And also that how you react is a choice. That you do not have to react emotionally, and the majority of the things that my normal, average kids do is normal and average, and things will be ok, no matter what it is that they do.

I have always been so proud of myself when it came to self-control. In small ways I have lots of self-control. But when it comes to my kids and the things that they do, sometimes I completely lose my mind. Over things that really don't matter, but when I react badly, then they do matter.

I am learning though. Last week I had made a breakfast cake that had blueberries on it. And I made quite a bit. So we had it for a few days. I had given some to both the kids, and Lucy just made a mess of hers. Andrew took his off the table and sat down in front of the TV. I had taken Lucy out of her chair and then I got on the computer. Next thing I know Andrew is telling me that he is sharing with Lucy, and I look and their is cake smooshed into the rug, but he has been feeding his sister his cake. Instead of reacting the way my mother would, I decided that it would do no good to get mad at him, I thanked him for sharing with his sister, and told him that making this mess isn't a good idea, and that he needed to help clean it up. The fact that I can do that now is amazing.

We all have moments when our children are more difficult. I have learned it is more MY behavoir than anything that teaches them how to behave, not the things that I tell them. My sister told me about a book that has really helped me, (the little that i've read. there is so much to it, i have to take small doses) Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. I really really like it. I need to put it in my pile of things to always read.

When I have a really bad day with them, I make sure that I apologize to Andrew. I am not always right, and I hated that my mother in a lot of situations would put her opinion above ours and make hers the "right" one.

I know there are kids out there that have major issues and need to be on medication, have therapy, or are handicapped in some way which makes taking care of them more taxing on the parents. I have no words of wisdom for you. I honestly don't know how you do it.

I am looking forward to the wealth of knowledge from all of you out there. I've already read a few and I've already learned stuff. And bookmarked you. Thank you for passing along your hard earned knowledge. I can use all the help that I can get!!

*please go to My Many Colored Days
for other links on this subject.

(i am so excited that i finally figure out how to do this linking stuff.)