I've never been a good actress. I've never really been able to lie effectively or pretend I don't know about something. So, having to play all these "parts" since living here has been a little rough.
I just spent the afternoon with my FIL's wife. She brought their daughters, along with the two girls she watches, up to go to the park with my kids. Yes, my FIL has daughters that are 7 and 6. Anyway, I have spent the last two hours trying to think of things to talk about. Trying not to say something dumb. And I did it. There was a lot of silence. Then I had a few phone calls. I wanted to tell her so many things. But I didn't. Because it won't matter.
And now I'm off to my MIL's. Who has a whole different set of issues, and I have to play yet another part. I'm getting tired of it. I need to be me. And I try my best to still be me. But. It still isn't me. I hate it. And as soon as I can, I'm out of here. I am looking forward to being Me.
Letters to a Beleaguered SCMC Member
2 hours ago