Sunday, August 3, 2008

Since it's Sunday

I thought I would do a semi-spiritual post. I rarely do these, mostly because my spiritual moments are kinda personal. But today, I just feel like sharing this.....

I went to Time Out For Women, put on my Deseret Book last September. My sister and I went (it took a lot of coordinating for us to work this out, but it did) at the one in Phoenix, AZ. I knew that they would mostly be selling the books of the speakers, but they also had a CD of songs that they were selling, that was a Time Out CD. Since it wasn't very much and I love music, I bought it. My favorite song on it is called Who You Are. Yeah, it was written by an LDS woman, for LDS women. But I think it applies to any woman who has faith in God and is really trying every day to do the best she can. Whatever that might be. So, since I can't sing it for you (ha, that would be funny) I will type up the words so that you can read it. The words by themselves are great, but hearing them to music.....something about music.....anyway, here it is:

I know you wonder if you'll ever have a day
When the kids stay calm, the laundry's done and the dishes are put away
And sometimes you feel like your days are spent and gone
And the question running through your mind is what have I gotten done?
and when you finally have a moment to slow down
At the end of the day I know Father would say
Believe in what you're doing
Believe in who you are
And hold tight to the truth that you're a daughter of God
Believe in who you're becoming
Believe in who you are

(i can't even type the darn thing without crying)

It may seem simple all the little things you do but the lives you touch matter so much
And there's no one else like you
And Father needs you to stand tall and faithful
To be all you can be
Oh if you could see what He sees you'd
Believe in what you're doing
You'd believe in who you are
So hold tight to the truth that you're a daughter of God
Believe in who you're becoming
Believe in who you are

When it's hard to believe in yourself
And you feel like you're beginning to doubt
He believes in what you're doing
He believes in who you are
So don't lose sight of the truth that you're a daughter of God
That He believes in who you're becoming
He believes in who you are

My mom never seemed like she enjoyed being a mother. She seemed to always be upset about our lack of cleaning skills or our ability to leave our stuff every where. And if we didn't do EXACTLY what she wanted us to do, we were out of favor. Since I knew nothing else, that is what I thought a mother should be like. So wrong. Unfortunately, I still do some of those things. I'm trying to just enjoy being a mom. Realizing that if all the laundry doesn't get done, oh well. It's not like your kids are going to remember that you always got the laundry done. They will remember you taking them to the park, to the pool. Playing with them, and just doing your best.

Growing up, I had a hard time believing that I was important or that He even knew what was going on with me. My mom was pretty critical of me (still is, some things never change) and I had a hard time finding any value in myself. Leaving home has helped with that a lot. My self esteem has skyrocketed. I have a much better grasp on who I am now, and what I can be. As much as being a mom can really suck some days (don't tell me you don't all have those days because you do even if you don't admit it) there are more good days than bad ones. Focusing on being a mom is what I'm supposed to be doing right now. This song gives me hope, helps me to know I am getting the help that I need from Him to get me through. And to know that I'm not the only one who has those days.


Steve-o said...

Actually, I totally remember that my mom always did the laundry. And had dinner ready at a certain time. And kept the house clean. The funny thing is that I don't remember her playing with us very much. No trips to the park, no Super Mario Brothers. It wasn't until last year that she finally agreed to try playing video games with one of my brothers (and, surprisingly enough, she loved it--she and my dad now have a Wii of their own and sometimes play together).

Anyway, maybe she was just too busy to play with us. Five kids in a space of seven years is a lot to manage. She had a major obsession with keeping things clean and organized. I think it might also have led to the breakdown she had a few years ago. It's sad that it happened, but she's relaxed a ton since then.

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this, other than to say that your kids will remember both sides of you: Mom the friend and playmate, and Mom the master and organizer of the house. It sounds like you're trying to do your best at both. Good for you.

Fort Skinner said...

that song is nice. Thanks for posting it.
What if you do have more bad days as a mom than good? I just go to bed guilty every night knowing I probably didn't meet my kids needs that day.

An Ordinary Mom said...

I needed to read these lyrics today. Thanks for taking the time to share them. Motherhood is definitely challenging, but I am glad it is where I am ... even on my bad days!

emily said...

it makes me happy for you that you are ever-growing and feeling better about who you are. You deserve those good feelings.

Thanks for posting this.

nikko said...

Terina, Thank you for posting this. I need to print out those lyrics and put them somewhere where I'll read them every day. Being a mother is a tough job, one riddle with guilt...

Monica said...

I love how open and honest your blogs are. It's like open therapy. Thanks for that.