Wednesday, April 8, 2009

I can't sleep

For the first time in a long time, I can't sleep. And I know why. My husbands father and sister are making things very difficult for us. His sister shouldn't even be involved, but she insists on sending these really horrible emails. His dad was trying to extort money out of us, by claiming the money he gave us six years ago was for his taxes. And by giving us that money, he wasn't able to pay his taxes. And so somehow we are responsible for those penalties. My husbands father is incredibly manipulative. He has not dealt with this honestly, and while he did give us the money, he is now insisting it was a loan. We are willing to pay it back, but his dad has behaved so abominably, that my husband isn't very willing to give him anything. I knew that I would be blamed for all of this. I saw that coming. But I don't think anything truly prepares you for the horrible things that people say. My heart is breaking for my husband. He never could see what his family really was like, especially his dad. And he has to deal with all this while trying to finish up and officer training course. Not to mention that yesterday was his birthday and his sister put in the subject line of her last email "hello and happy birthday matt (i love you)", but the email was full of things like "Terina you are a beautiful woman but I'm sorry you are not in the working world and have no idea whats going on as far as a workinig person. I may be laid off in July. You should stay in your nest and mind your own business." (I copied and pasted that, hence the spelling mistake) The feminist in me is roaring. And, admittedly, I am no feminist. It is so easy to say things like "sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me". But I feel like curling up into a ball in my bed and just crying and crying. Matt and I have decided to leave much sooner than originally thought, and I cannot wait to put thousands of miles between us and them. My husband has no desire to even see his family. While all the details of this would never fit into a blog post, like the reason why all of a sudden, six years later his dad is insisting it was a loan and not a gift, I know that Matt and I are making the right choices. It's just hard to be logical and unemotional. Especially at four, five and six am. The good thing that has come out of this, is that Matt and I have worked together, discussing everything (when we're able anyway), and making sure we're on the same page. I've let him respond to everything. What they don't know, is while they are trying to tear us apart, they are actually pushing us closer, and we are working as one. I will be away from my computer all day. It will be good for me, but I'm sure it will hold many more horrible emails by the end of the day. I just hope I'm up to all this. Lots and lots of deep breaths......

6 comments:

Mary Alice said...

Well, I am sorry that she isn't in the "working world" of the military...if she was, she would know that sending e-mails to him that add worry and additional stresses while he is already under the pressures of OTS is really inconsiderate and rude, if not unforgivable.

I am sorry life is so difficult right now. Even when you don't feel like it...hold your head up high.

Emily S. said...

Terina-- I cannot say anything to help you, except I am SO impressed and proud of the way you are handling this. Even your blog post was even-tempered and rational, and not PISSED and rude like mine would have been. I am deeply overjoyed to hear how much you and Matt are a TEAM on this, and that bodes incredibly well for your future. You'll get through this.

I just wish they didn;t make you cry. I hate that they have that power.

Hang in there...

Heidi said...

Ooh, I don't even know these people and I'm irked. Too bad Kenn isn't licensed in CA, otherwise he could send them a nice letter (on the legal letterhead, of course) telling your in-laws to back off or face a harrasment lawsuit. Okay, so that's not nice or what you should do, but sometimes a little craziness is the only way to get through to crazy people!

Hang in there!

poppy fields said...

You've gotten some good advice. Concentrate on the goodness that you have with your husband and focus on the time when you'll soon be far away from those negative people. I have some family issues and I am back in the middle of them this week, but I find peace in that I have my own beautiful loving family in my husband and girls.

poppy fields said...

ps I tagged you for a motherhood meme...if you want :)

Stacey said...

Wow. That girl sounds like a b*%^#. I am impressed that you have been able to handle that well. I remember one night when we were at your house with Dean K for dinner you were saying how matt's family was crazy...now i see. Good luck!!!