It is late as I'm posting this, and maybe I shouldn't post this at all. Some of you might wonder where that nice girl Terina has gone. She dissappears occasionally when she has to deal with things like this. I will bring nice Terina back for my next post. And hopefully I'll be over this by then and can move on.
My inlaws never cease to amaze me. And not always in a good way. I have been trying very hard to keep my expectations very very low so as to not give me undue and very unnecessary frustration. Yet, here it comes, rearing it's nasty dirty ugly head.
I almost feel as if I need to explain to them something that is very very basic. That I just drove over 2500 miles to come and live here. In three days. That is almost as many miles as you need to go between oil changes. (which reminds me.......) I did not do that because I HATED North Carolina and I HATED living on a military post. I could have stayed there, most happily, with my stuff and my DVR (oh how I miss thee DVR) without Matt and without anyone telling me when to do the dishes perfectly fine. I chose to come out here for several reasons. One is that we'll eventually be on the west coast and I didn't want to have to figure out how to get from NC to our new home by myself with kids and stuff. I am much much closer here and the drive (when we actually move there) will be considerably less difficult than the one all of us just participated in. Another fairly big reason, is that I want my kids to have the opportunity to get to know their family. They know them a little, but not a lot. And since I grew up near a lot (a lot a lot) of family, I know how great it can be. As with any relationship, there has to be a give and take kind of thing. For example, one side should not always be the one driving out to the other. One side should not always be the one calling and making the effort to see the other. Sometimes one does it more than the other. Just the natural ebb and flow of things. It is fabulous that way.
Here is where I draw the line. I called up one of my inlaws today, and made a suggestion of having a set day once a week or month or every other week, where one or the other drives to the others place of residence. This person pretty much said no. The word "no" wasn't actually used, but the words were "thats your moms house, and if you come here, we can all just be here and let the kids play" or something lame like that. Pretty much saying that they aren't comfortable coming here. And not only that, but they aren't willing to come over. But I can go over there any time.
I don't even know what to do with that. Going there is one of my least favorite things to do. It is overwhelming, irritating, and just plain mind numbing. There isn't very much conversation. And I can't really be myself there. Usually I just keep to myself, sitting on the couch cross stitching the time away, occasionally getting up to make sure my kids are close by, and not saying much in general. But I still go. Because they are my husbands family.
I want to call this person and explain how I drove that many miles, and that they can drive the 10 or so it is between houses to come and visit my kids every once in a while. And if that is impossible, then I guess they won't be seeing us terribly often. I am so mean. But I really really wish I could do this. I'm going to sit on this new information for a few days before I say or do anything that might come back and bite me in the butt. But I sure won't be going over there any time soon. Thank goodness I have things to do for the next few days.
Why do these things have to be so difficult? I get being uncomfortable. I get that. But I still go to these crazy peoples homes and endure the craziness around me. I am not comfortable doing so so many things. But these are your grandkids people. And who knows how often you'll see them once we're gone. Get off your butt and make an effort.
I don't read much about other peoples inlaws. Are yours awesome? Near perfect? Or do they read your blog and you can't talk about them there? Or do you just not care about it? Another good question is why do I let this bother me. There are a couple of answers to that question. 1. I haven't had to deal with them so closely for five years. I'm out of practice. 2. Perhaps, as low as they were, my expectations were still too high. 3. Things bother me. They just do. And lack of willingness to visit grandchildren kind of ranks pretty high on my list of things that bother me. If you have words of advice, or if you can only say 'good luck' and thank your lucky starts your inlaws don't behave like this, you are welcome to leave a comment. Sigh. Maybe someday I won't care so much about this kind of stuff......
By Their Fruits
2 days ago