Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The hardest part

I am living in a civilian world. Which is very weird. I'm getting a bit tired of having to explain every thing to every one every time I see someone for the first time. The part where their face contorts into a sad/oh-that-must-be-so-hard/feel-sorry-for-me face is when I explain that my husband and I won't see each other for a while.

Really people, it isn't that hard. It isn't at all. While I miss him, especially his foot rubs and his hugs, I am perfectly fine. And it isn't because I'm living with my parents and they help me. Because they don't. Hardly at all. They don't give the kids baths, or put them to bed, get them dressed, or feed them all their meals. My mom does her laundry on one day and I do mine on a different one. I help Andrew with his homework. I take them with me almost every where I go, unless I ask if I can leave one or both. I am perfectly fine without my husband. While there are other adults in the house, my mom frequently is gone teaching quilting or working at the quilt shop. My dad works every day, and has church responsibilities on a few evenings a week. They don't help me get them ready for church on Sunday. Unless my mom WANTS to do Lucy's hair. I sure don't, but I do comb it!!

Here is the hardest part. Living with my parents. Having to remember that I have to read my mom's mind because otherwise I'll get in trouble for not doing something that I wasn't told about, yet expected to do without knowing beforehand. Her treating me as if I were about 15 years old at random times, when I'm twice that. Going to church with them isn't that bad. It's just the people that I knew, that were my age, that are STILL there. Or that they came back. And that I didn't exactly like them, or ever care to see them again. Yet, there they are and they keep talking to me.

Living without your spouse is just part of being in the military. If you can't hack it, you're in the wrong place. I've seen women completely fall apart when their husbands leave for a training exercise or deploy. I've heard women whine and complain about their husbands being gone SO much. And I just want to shake them. HELLO!!!! You're in the military. Get used to it. No, it isn't easy, sometimes it's really hard, but come on. ALL of our husbands have to leave at some point. If we work together as wives and help each other out when things come up, we can do it. There is nothing that makes me feel as good as watching a friends kids so that she can have a break. Or being able to listen to a friend because she needs to talk. Or inviting a friend over for dinner and giving her the gift of having a dish free evening. I LOVE it.

Living in this civilian world is a little tricky too. I can drive pretty fast through housing areas. They are policeman, not MP's. (which I am still saying, as are my kids) I don't have to show my ID card when I go home. Grocery store prices are unbelievable. Seriously people, how do you afford these prices? Except for Trader Joe's milk. Super cheap and good. There aren't parks everywhere. I mean, there are a few, but on a military post in housing, there are a ton. I could walk to about four from our house in NC. In Germany, there were parks next to every building. Few things are within walking distance here. It is strange to live here.

Matt will be able to come home for a weekend, and he might be able to get here for a few days at the end of February. (and yes Mary Alice, I'm planning on a hotel for that night.) And maybe one other time after that. And yes, he will most likely deploy next year sometime. But that is my life. (not that I like having my husband in a war zone, but that is part of his job.) And believe it or not, I actually like my husband MORE when we've been apart. We need those breaks. It works for us. It isn't for everyone.

I'm hoping those people will soon see that I'm just fine and I don't need their pity and they don't need to feel sorry for me. I am a strong woman. While I have my little breakdowns here and there, I'll be just fine. If you want to do something for me, have me over to just chat. Or to let my kids play with yours. Or offer to watch my kids for an hour. Or whatever. Or just be my friend. That's all I need.


Mary Alice said...

Phew...thanks for telling me...I feel better for both of you now! Have fun...oh, and you are's something we just have to do, this seperation stuff. You get through it.

Rachel said...

You make me laugh! I love that you're finding the good in living there and away from Matt. Hang in there!

The Major's Wife said...

just found your blog, right on sister!!!

Piouette said...

Those feelings are not just experienced in the military. I love it when Don is gone a bit. It's better when we have time together. Don't people help each other anymore. I am having a hard time since moving to Vegas about not having girl time or having my friends kids over. It's doesn't happen just in the military.