Monday, March 26, 2007

Myspace and Friends......

I am sure all of you out there in the blogging world are aware of what Myspace is. I happen to have a profile there. I started it because one of the girls that would babysit for me, and was in our ward, told me about it, and it looked like a fun thing to do. And at first it was. I found other people's profiles and looked at pictures. It was fun to reconnect with some people that I had lost touch with and wanted to keep contact with them. But at the same time, I did not put my name on my profile. Instead I did something that was a little strange, and for while I didn't even have any pictures up.
I started to add friends here and there. I didn't really care to add that many. I wanted to stay fairly unknown. In fact, everytime I go back to my hometown, I'm always worried about running into someone from my past. I just have no desire to ever go back to who that person was, or even be reminded of her. ANYWAY.....so I have had a few people request to be my friend on myspace that I had no desire to add, and the first time it happened, I didn't know what to do. Should I deny them? Should I write them and tell them I don't want to add them?? I took the cowards way out. I didn't do anything, and eventually the friend request went away.
This past week I had another friend request. It was from an ex-boyfriend of mine from 11 YEARS ago. The last time I spoke to him was at his wedding, which I never would have gone to had my best friend not asked if I could be her date because her husband was not able to go, and she didn't want to go alone. So, I went with her to keep her company. This had to be at least five plus years ago. (obviously it was so important to me that I remembered when he got married). So, when I got his friend request, I let it sit for a few days, and then I decided that I would write a nice email saying that I am very selective on who I add as friends, and since we haven't talked in years, I would not be adding him as a friend. I also added that I had looked at his profile, and it looked like he was doing really well, and I included a very small amount of information about us. And then again, sorry, but I just don't add anyone to my friends list.
The email I got back was so rude. This is what it said:
"whatever, I was just trying to be nice. Have a good life. (then he signed his name) PS I am doing better than you ever could imagine."
WHAT THE HECK?????
I did not write back. I did forward it to my best friend who mentioned something about 8th grade. Well, as I am almost 29, I am no longer in 8th grade. And myspace has become something of a popularity thing. Adding that person that you knew for a few weeks last summer, or the kid that was in your 4th grade class. Those people are not your friends!!
I'm sure that this guy thinks that I'm rude, or that well, I really have no idea what he thinks, but it isn't importnat. In the last few years, I have come to a place where I really don't care if people don't like me. I really don't. On my mission I had a companion that was so concerned about if people liked her or not. And she really couldn't understand why people didn't like her when she would try so hard for people to like her. My thought is, why do you care?? If they don't like you for who you are, then why the heck do you want them as a friend? The majority of people on my "friends" list on myspace are people that are actually my friends. For real. Ones that I actually call or see on somewhat of a regular basis. I actually deleted a "friend" once. It felt really good.
As we are in the military, we will be moving a lot. At the end of this year, we will move somewhere else, and at the end of that year, we will move again. As of right now, I have ONE friend here. One. Someone that I can call and talk to about almost anything, and I've only known her for a little while. Do I care that most of the ward has no idea that we are even here? No, not really. I am glad that I have one real friend. I know a few other people, but this is a friend that I will probably keep in contact with after I leave.
In my almost 29 years, I have dropped friends. People that were just pulling me down. It wasn't a symbiotic relationship, it was a parasitic one, with her/him sucking the life out of me. Not worth it. So, after I would try to salvage the relationship and it didn't work, I was done. As my favorite book in the whole entire world says, I need to concentrate on being my best and healthiest self. Part of that is being a loving person, but that doesn't mean allowing others to pull you down and stop you from being that best self. This is such a liberating feeling. I love it. It does help that I move, because those that I choose not to be friends with anymore aren't around and I'm not having to deal with that everyday. But I think that even if I didn't, I would still do this.
Too bad that we can't do this with some of the members of our families right? haha.

4 comments:

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

I could've written this post almost word for word...been through the same scenarios. Neat to see it echoed here.

I used to be the shy self-conscious type...but one day I woke up and realized how miserable that was making me. While I try to consider others' feelings, for the most part I live my life and seek friendships with those who can like me for who am I (which happens to be a crazy Canadian lady with a tendency to leave long comments on strangers' blogs, but there you go). ~lol~

Shelly! said...

Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about what people think. I am often TJ's voice of self-conscious and she is often my voice of self-assertion.

I apppreciate the place you have come to and learn from your examples of seeking solid friendships. You know I have enough of my own that I'd like to 'delete'.

I do think, in the mySpace world, if you tell someone you don't want to be their friend you open up the door for comments like his. Next time, just delete people.

TJ said...

Kim: I try to consider others feelings too. probably why I tried to 'lesson the blow' of being denied by sending an email explaining why. but in the long run i don't care what he thinks of me. i'm glad you aren't miserable anymore!

it's just me...: i think from now on I will just deny them! and i think that it depends on the situation on whether or not i care about what others think. can't give any specific examples at the moment, but i'm sure i'll think of some as i think about it today....

athena said...

i've heard of myspace but never could get it going there. never could figure out how it worked. i'm so slow that way. LOL.