My thoughts this evening

I've been noticing something odd when I go to Walmart. As I'm pushing my cart around the store, my hands keep getting an electric shock. At first, I thought I was just putting too much pressure on my hands as I was pushing it. But then it kept coming. It really hurts. I asked the cashier as I was checking out if it was normal for people to get electric shocks from the carts. She said only a few people get shocked. Great. But then she said to choose the carts with the blue handles, because they don't do that. Hope I can find a blue handled cart the next time I have to go.

We've had beautiful weather lately. Every morning I wonder if that's the day the clouds are going to come back. So far, so good.

Our stuff arrives on Monday. My back will be so excited to have our mattress and our couches back. And so will my bum. The stools we have up to our island really hurt to sit on them. We spent time cleaning up the house and getting stuff ready for our stuff. I still need to borrow a vacuum so that I can vacuum the whole house.

I haven't exercised all week, and I feel really mushy. I found out about a local women's gym, that has child care. Kind of excited about that!! Sadly, I can't find their information online so that I can call them. So odd. I'm going to see if they have a trial period where I don't have to commit to the whole year. A lot of women at church go there, so I will have a few workout friends, and hopefully the kids will have friends in the child care.

Found a fantastic park about 15 minutes away. Our little town has a few parks, but most of them are just sad parks. This one I found is in the next city over, and it has a huge pond right next to it, a dog park, and a ton of grass and you almost feel like you're in the forest. It was great, and even though it's a little bit of a drive, it's worth it.

I'm getting excited to cook in my own kitchen with my own kitchen things. It's been five months since I've been able to really cook like I want. Or bake. Gosh, I'll be baking for a whole month. And this is always the time where I almost enjoy making dinners.

Things are getting back to normal.

Sometimes, you don't want to be right

Because right now, I am right. I WAS right. And it really sucks that I was. My husband just got an emotional kick in the crotch (forgive the visual, but really, can't think of any other way to describe it) and he is pretending like it doesn't hurt. At least not that much, and is keeping it all to himself. I'm giving him his space and told him I won't talk to him about it until after church on Sunday. Hopefully I can stick to that. I almost said something last night, but with much effort, refrained. I wrote about 4 pages in my journal last night. There will be more added tonight I'm sure.

Years ago, like around 5 or so, I said that if we didn't do this thing, that it would come back and bite us in the rear. He assured me that we didn't have to do that thing, and things would be fine. Over and over again. I stopped saying it. In fact, I almost forgot about it. And yet, here we are. I hurt for him. I don't hurt at all for myself. Or for my kids. What kicked my husband, only touched me a little. And doesn't even touch the kids.

I haven't said the words "I told you so" at all. Not helpful. My concern right now is helping him deal with this. Sigh. Really, being right is not always good.

So darn tired of this

I am getting tired of this friends. Just plain tired. I'm tired of moving into wards (a congregation) where it's so big that the people that are in charge are overwhelmed, and aren't able to meet the needs of their members. I'm tired of moving into a part military ward, and having the people that have been there for YEARS (and I'm talking born, raised, the whole thing) hardly give us the time of day. I'm tired of myself or others I know falling through the cracks because of this or that. I'M TIRED OF IT!!!!!!

I mean, we've been there four Sundays in a row. Four. And neither the Relief Society President or the Bishop have said much (or anything) to either of us. But also, nor have I or Matt made a huge effort to go up to them and introduce ourselves and make ourselves known. So, that is where I'm going to start. But it's not going to stop with just that. There are SO many changes that need to be made. It's not just for me. Who knows how many people have fallen through the cracks, in these kinds of wards?? While we aren't perfect, and there will always be some that do fall through, we have to at least try!!!!! There isn't a whole lot of trying going on here. I have made some efforts. I went to playgroup last week, I was going to go walking with another group, but my back hurt so badly, I stayed home. I'm not sitting in the corner, wondering why no one will talk to me, while not doing anything about it. I need to do more though. And things need to be done for those others that don't think they can do anything about it.

In some ways, this is a little selfish. Matt will deploy soon. And, gosh darn it, I need the support!!! I need to have friends that I know I can call on if I'm in a situation. I need friends husbands to come and help do stuff in my house that requires more physical strength than what I have. I need someone to watch my kids every now and then so that I can rest. I also need to be able to help my friends who are in the same situation. I want there to be a whole bunch of giving and receiving going on. Helping to pick up where someone else can't, and know, that when you can't do it, there will be someone there. It is possible!!! I have experienced this before so I KNOW it can happen.

The size of the ward is a problem. It NEEDS to be split. Not only are there not enough callings to go around, but the people in charge of Primary, Relief Society, and the rest are so overwhelmed that they just cannot do it all. But, supposedly, the building can't handle having three wards there. There are good arguments for both sides. But really, if you want it to happen it will.

Here's another thing I have a problem with. There isn't a member of either the bishopric or Relief Society presidency that is affiliated with the military. Not one. Not a counselor, not even a secretary. Which is a problem. Because we make up at least a third of the ward, if not more. And I've been to the meetings that they all go to. And if there isn't someone bringing up the needs of the military families, someone that is very aware of them, things aren't going to be helped. We need a voice in ward council and in the other meetings.

I can't change peoples callings. I can't change the ward boundaries. I can't change peoples behaviors. But I can go talk to the bishop about my concerns. I can tell him that there are too many people falling through. I can go in with a plan, and a willingness to do what I can to change things. I can organize a family home evening once a month for the families whose spouses are deployed. We can have a girls night out once a month for the wives of those husbands who are deployed. And provide a babysitter(s). We can call them and check on them to make sure they are not going crazy. And several other things that would not only help the military families, but the civilian families.

I have a feeling that some of these things might be really out of some peoples comfort zones. And as a result of that and the fact I want to change things (oh no!! change!!!! we can't change!!! this is how we've ALWAYS done it!!!) some of those people might not like me very much. Oh well. Heaven forbid someone does something about the problems. Like I said before, I'm getting tired of this. And darn it, I'm going to do something about it.

Glee

Have any of you seen this show? I think I'm hooked. And this is just the last thing they sang. I need to go set my DVR.

The cost of not having furniture

We've been in our house now for about 3 weeks. We still do not have our household goods. Some very nice friends let us borrow things to sleep on.

I think sleeping on an air mattress for three weeks is getting to me. I have slept on my back before, but never woken up in so much pain. And I didn't even sleep on my back the whole night. Today, walking is painful. Getting up or down is painful. We've iced my back, and I took an Ibuprofen. We'll see when the pain goes. I can't even reach down into the fridge and get the milk out. And I was going to go walking with a group at church this morning. Yeah, that didn't happen. Kind of irritated because the sun is out, not a lot of clouds, it's a BEAUTIFUL day. And my back hurts. And UPS hasn't come with our new lawnmower. And with my back like it is, I can't use it anyway. Darn, Matt will have to mow the lawn.:)

I KNEW this was coming....but......

Matt called me today. He had started in processing. And he had news. The biggest of which is that instead of Iraq, he'll be going to Afghanistan. And soon. Whatever that means. Sigh. I have been trying to tell myself that this day would come for a long time. I had kind of gotten ok with Iraq. But. Afghanistan. Time to start getting used to that. And I've probably said this before, but I tell myself that my husband isn't going to be fighting. He's going to save these guys who have to do the fighting so that they can come back to their families. So, now to start getting used to another change in our plans. At least the sun is out today! And should be for a few days thank goodness.:)

What we've been doing

We haven't been too busy around here. It has rained off and on the entire time we've been here. Not so good for me. The other day, Matt and Andrew ran to the park. We drove and met them there with the soccer balls. They all wanted to run home.

We went to a small state park on the Puget Sound today. In the rain. And of course it stopped once we got home. Darn rain.