Monday, April 19, 2010


(some will be a little lengthy. sorry.)

~After living in the civilian world for many months now, I am very aware of how different each world is. Many of my friends can just call up their husbands whenever needed. Many are able to leave, they can spend time talking to their spouse. In the military world you can't just call your spouse anytime you want. They can't always leave. Lots of times it's at the whim of their chain of command. Friends husbands would be down the street but unable to talk to their spouse for days because of the 'mission'. And then there is deployment. I have a very very small window each day that I am able to talk to my husband. And that is if it isn't raining there (because when it rains, the phones and internet stop working) and the connection is decent. And even with that I know I am one of the lucky ones. There are many husbands who can't call home every day, or won't. We usually talk on Skype, which has been awesome. But even using that, we still have to pay up to $100 a month just for him to have his internet connection. Some soldiers can't afford that. Morale calls are limited in time, and will cut you off mid sentence if you aren't listening for the beep. It is especially difficult when there is a big decision to be made. For this girl who loves communication, not being able to do it when I want to is difficult.

~R&R felt like a fairy tale. In fact, my husband was the one that brought that up. He said that midnight had to come, and everything had to go back to the way it was eventually. Saying goodbye this time seemed so difficult. I was very emotional, and he couldn't understand why. Heck, I didn't even know. It could have been hormones. But now I think it was something else. In the many months since he has been gone, I've gotten into a groove. We have a schedule, I had gotten to a place where I had put those feelings in a box and was in Just Function mode. And even though I daydream about what having him home would be like, I had forgotten it a little. Ok, a lot. Having him home threw all that off. All those feelings, emotions were all there, out of the box and making me Feel things. I mean, just the fact that I could reach over and hold his hand was amazing. Our nightly routine of foot rubs (for me) and back rubs (for him) started right up again. I got this for such a short time. And then it left. And I think that is what I was so upset about. It's been a few days and I still feel like I am recovering.

~I am a sentimental dork. My husband will be back in just a few more months. But I don't want to take his towel down. I don't want to take the clothes he put near his sink and put them in the laundry. I want to sleep on his pillow instead of mine. I even want to leave out a cup he used for water instead of put it in the dishwasher. Is this normal? I don't even know. I feel like an idiot for even admitting it here.

~I have been going to the gym a lot. I have been able to run 2.5 miles in 30 minutes!! While there was walking in there, I am pretty darn proud of myself. I still don't enjoy running. My chest hurts, my mouth gets this weird stuff in it, and I feel like my legs are so obviously overly long. But I love how my muscles feel from my hip down my leg. My husband suggested running on my toes, and when I get into a good groove, I feel like a gazelle. I have also gained half an inch on my toothpick like arms. After six months of going to the gym regularly, I don't have too much to show for it if you're just looking at me. But when I have to run or I take the kids out on their bikes, my stamina has improved a lot. I can do push ups without feeling like I'm going to die. Plus, I've made new friends there. And when you move a lot like me, you can use all the friends you can get.

~Since we've been in the Army, I have learned that deployments can make or break a soldier. It can also make or break the spouse too. So far, it is making, not breaking, my soldier. While many of the reasons are very personal, he has a clearer perspective about many things. His communication (well, at least to me) has improved. Deployment sucks at so many different levels (Like when kids are sick, or when on Saturday night your smoke alarm starts making noise and you can't just run out and pick up a 9 volt battery before Sunday because you can't leave your kids at home alone so you just suffer through it until you post something about it on facebook and a nice neighbor brings you a battery Sunday afternoon. But it would have been nice to have been able to run to the store really quick that Saturday night.) but it is worth all this pain and difficulty if it makes us both grow as people and grow as a couple. Just a few more months......

~My head hurts. Listening to Diane Reim(s?) on NPR late at night is not advisable when you have a headache.

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