This last weekend we left Los Angeles County and went down to San Diego County. Which was very fun. For all of us. We saw family, we went to the beach, and I felt a little like my old self. (go here if you'd like to see some pictures of us having a good time) I think the presence of my mother is just pushing me to my outer limits. My parenting is nothing like it was in our own home, nor was it the same as when I was out of this home this weekend. So, right now my goal is to figure out how to not let the presence of my mother (and seriously, sometimes she comes and watches me. i think we're going to have to talk about that.) effect me or my parenting. Also, we've had some rain here in So Cal, and rain always bothers me a little. Not just the wet and the morons that are So Cal drivers. Just the dark and the gloominess of it. And the no sun part.
Sometimes being angry helps me find who I am. And right now, I am angry. A lot. In the last year, I have found that 3 of my friends have husbands that pretty much want to divorce them. And not one of them has a good reason. Not one. I cannot go into details of any. And while two of them most certainly have PTSD, and one of those has a TBI (traumatic brain injury) I don't really care. Get some help, because contrary to the belief of most media, the military does provide help for those that come home with problems. It's usually the soldiers that either won't go, refuse to go, or refuse to admit they even have a problem. I was talking to one of these friends this morning telling her about my other friend, and all she said, was that his new guy better watch out. I'm liable to go a little crazy on him if I ever see him. Which put me in touch with the old me a little.
But what really can throw me off is going to church. Luckily for me, most of the people that have known me since I was a teenager or younger, don't treat me as such. Which I really appreciate. It's just seeing all these people again on a regular basis that kind of throws me off. Hopefully I'll get used to it.
I need to speak up to my mom too. Like today, on the way home she made a comment about something, and how he was so rude. I asked, well why didn't you say something. And then I overheard her telling my dad about it, and she said how she was waiting for someone to tell her to go and....but no one did, and ....just so dumb. I just need to point out how ridiculous she is being. It isn't going to matter, one way or the other. But I hate how I feel afterwards. So, while I know she is never ever going to behave any differently, no matter what I say, I just need to say it. If I start working on this now, this skill may come in handy in later years. Who knows.
Blah. I feel like I'm just rambling now. I really should write in my journal. But not tonight. I should really go to sleep. It's just so nice to be alone.
A Man By Any Other Name
3 hours ago