Today is the day!!!

We are picking Matt up from the airport in a few hours. I have to get directions to our hotel, pack my bag, set out clothes and jammies for the kids, write out some instructions for my brother who will be watching them tonight while my parents have a work dinner they are going to, and make myself look awesome. Not to mention make the beds, and feed hungry kids breakfast. But I can do it! With all the adrenalin running through me, I can do anything. Anyone else ever nervous to see their husband after you haven't seen him in a long time?????

My personal Ode to Ikea

I have lived many places. But the last two have been completely without an Ikea nearby. When we lived in Germany, we had one about ten minutes away. Which was great. My biggest problem was that in Germany, they don't always take your credit cards (or debit), and so I would always have to have cash on me when I went. And sometimes you don't always know how much you're going to spend......anyway. I haven't been in one since we left Germany. I've looked a little online, but that's it. Today, I went to Ikea.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Boy have I been missing out. We should have gone there instead of crappy Walmart (we didn't really know where else to go. We had just gotten back from Germany and had to get what we needed from somewhere) to get our furniture. I had my camera today and I was taking pictures. I also spent money. Which I said I wasn't going to do. Most of it was for my kids. (they had a finger puppet theater. with the finger puppets. it was awesome. and ikeas own perler beads.) I did buy a few small things for myself. My biggest problem is that I don't have anywhere to put any large thing I might buy from there. Nowhere. So. What I have to do is restrain myself from going back until I am in our house and have the money to spend. I'll have to check and make sure that there are some Ikea's near where we're moving. But I have a feeling there will be. I also got a baby shower gift for someone, too.

My favorite things about Ikea are: how space conscious they are, the colors and patterns they use on their furniture, pillows, rugs, and other fabric things, and their prices are pretty darn good. Plus their kids toys are awesome. And they aren't made in China. They are made in Sweden, Bulgaria, and a few other places. And while I'm sure China needs help with their economy just as much as the next country, I would much rather buy something made other places. My favorite is when it is made right here in the USA. Their stuff is incredibly creative, and I really appreciate that. I love that they have a place for the kids to play. I love that they have D'aim candy there! (I didn't buy any, but I just might the next time I go)

The Ikea here is about ten minutes from my house. Only ten minutes. But I rarely am down in that area, so I'm hoping I'll be able to restrain myself. So, no one invite me to go with them to Ikea. Because I might not be able to resist.

My favorites today were this love seat in the Klintbo blue pattern, and this rocking chair in the black/white combo. LOVE them.

Je parle français, moi.

I spent all morning listening to high schoolers present their oral exams, and listening to the questions they were asked and what they answered. It was so. much. fun. It really was. My favorite part was when one student who had chosen to talk about La Plongé (diving, and she is a diver) called someone le shampooing du monde instead of le champion du monde. I know she had it written correctly, but she sure didn't pronounce it right. It was pretty hard to not smile or laugh while she was doing it. But as soon as she was out the door, boy did we let loose. I had tears in my eyes. (btw, instead of saying world champion, she said the shampoo of the world.) There were a few other good moments. It was also interesting to help do preliminary grading. Which I feel a little inadequate to do as I know that while I could do what they just did, my tenses and even conjugations would be crap, and I would have to pray that I remembered all of my vocabulary. But it was great. And I am going to go back on Thursday to help do more grading. I'm thinking of asking her if I can come in to the class once a week or so and either help or participate with the class. It would give me a good head start and I would have a great time. There have been few times when being in French class has not been enjoyable. I'm sure there will be times in the future, but for now, it is just plain fun!!

Dancing in the Train Station

A friend posted this on Facebook, and I love it.

Here I am!!!!!!!!

Since Wednesday I have been going to my old high school and helping out my French teacher. My job has been listening to the oral exams of her highest level students. They are taking an IB test next week, and they need to be ready for it. We've been splitting up the students every day and listening, correcting and asking questions. It has been so FUN!!!!!!!! I LOVE this. LOVE it. Not only do I get to spend time with my favorite teacher (who came and saw me in France and took me out for a fantastic meal of pizza and mousse au chocolat a volonté. which means we could eat as much as we wanted.) I get to find the bits and pieces of French in my brain and put them all together. I was talking to Matt about how much I liked it, and he suggested that I start taking classes. And that I go for a degree in education. Which is an interesting thought. I mean, would I have to take the evil math and science classes if I am going to major in French? Can I learn German too? (because I REALLY want to speak German.) I am anxious to get to our final destination so that I can start taking a class or two. Don't think I will be very good at online classes, but I'll look and see about the local colleges. And see if the classes that I took over TEN years ago still are worth anything. But this gets me excited. And precious little is getting me excited these days.

So, what does my title have to do with this post?? Because I've been a little lost. Now, between having the sun out, helping with these French oral exams, and having been to the beach, I am finding me. So, Here I am friends.

My tulips

Valentines

Growing up, my mom would make a big deal out of holidays. Even little ones that really don't matter. Valentines is no different. Not only does the season throw up in my mothers house (I should take pictures of all the decorations just so that you really understand what I mean. and the saddest part is that she does this kind of decorating for every month. watch out. st. patricks day is on it's way.......) but she also has expectations for those gift giving ones. Which is kind of crappy. At least for us kids. Because if we didn't do something.......oh the guilt trips that we would go on.

As adults, Matt and I do not make big deals of holidays, nor do we have these amazing expectations of each other. Our birthdays happen to be within four days of each other, so we go out to dinner in between, or when ever we can, and usually get a gift for each other. One year Matt got me a fire safe. Yes, you did read that correctly. A fire safe. Yes, we did need one. But not exactly a birthday present. So, this past Valentines Day, I wasn't anticipating anything coming to me in the mail. Not only had he been out in the field all week, he isn't one that plans things out in advance. On Friday, as I was driving out to my sisters, he realized that I would not be at my parents house on Valentines. I told him I was going over a week ago. Oh well. I came home last night to some beautiful tulips, a short note, and a small box of rocky mountain chocolates. Which was surprising. I think the last time he got me flowers was...........hmmm...... honestly, I just don't remember. So this was a very nice surprise. My dad had followed the directions, cut them, and put them in water.

I'm not sure if absence is making his heart grow fonder or what. But whatever it is, I am liking it. Wonder what he'll have sent here for my birthday............

(I took some pictures of my tulips too. I'm no photographer, but I thought my camera and I did a pretty good job. but it's hard to make something so pretty look bad. I'll post them later today.)

One of my many

I have a problem people. I've been thinking about it this week, and just had a conversation about it with a friend. I like to spend money. I'm a sucker for good sales. Especially if something I've been looking for is on sale. Or even if it's not. The good thing: I rarely pay full price for things. The bad thing: I buy a lot of things. Some of my biggest weaknesses are shoes. I have such a hard time finding cute shoes that actually fit my feet. (I have big feet) So when I do find some that are cute, and a good price, I buy them. I have quite a collection of shoes right now. Another one of my weaknesses are things on The Gap. Their pants are the only ones that are somewhat in my price range (only when on sale) and they actually have pants that are long enough for me. So when I see jeans on sale for $20 and they are in my size........yeah. I could go on and on about all of my weak spots. Etsy, ebay, Layers Clothing. Ross, TJMaxx, Marshalls. B&N, Borders, Target.......sigh.

This weekend is the beginning of a new me. Well, more like me trying to make changes. I am going to visit my sister. She is currently on bed rest, and while we normally don't go shopping a ton when I visit her (other than at Deseret Book) we really won't be shopping as she can't really go anywhere. And I've decided that I must avoid shopping online as much as possible. There are few things that I actually need. I don't need anymore shoes, clothes, bags, or crafty stuff. I don't need anymore journals, books, or pottery. None. If I can follow through on all this, I will allow myself to go to the H&M that is nearby once a month. Because otherwise........it's going to start controlling me. And boy do I hate when I lose control. There are a few exceptions. I have Matts huge certificate that states he is a certified Physicians Assistant that I am going to have framed. There is also a darling embroidered eiffel tower that a friend made me, and framed, but my kids broke the glass in it. So, I need to get those things taken care of. And I have 3 packages that need to be sent which will be expensive seeing that one is to France, one to Ireland and the other to Virginia.

Yes, I will have moments of weakness. I am a human. And a woman that really enjoys shopping. But I've got to do it people. I don't want to pass this along to my kids like both Matt and I had it passed along to us. With a little help from above and a lot of determination, I think I can kick this. It might take me a while, but I can do it. (I've actually done pretty good since being here. I haven't stepped a foot into Kohls and I'm determined to stay far away from Old Navy and B&N even though all of these stores are within a five minute drive. Why did they have to take away our strawberry fields????)

Wish me luck my friends. Maybe I'll get more reading done and spend more time with friends instead of shopping. Or maybe actually go to bed at a decent hour instead of looking up pretty things on etsy.

Deadliest Roads in America

I saw this article and scrolled down to see what the top ten were. And the first four are roads that I have driven on multiple times. Well, maybe not the 5 so much down in San Diego, but I have been on the road. And the 10 is one I take all the time. Even the one in Arizona. I have seen those drivers. Many are morons. And so are most California drivers. This last weekend I got honked at 3 times in one day. I think it's because of my Texas plates, and they assume people from Texas are slow or something. One of the times, though, my sister in law told me I needed to get over three lanes, and I had to do it pretty quickly. And someone honked at me. While So Cal drivers are far and beyond better than most Utah drivers, they have no idea how to drive in the rain.

Be careful out there friends. There are a lot of really really bad drivers.

More

This last weekend we left Los Angeles County and went down to San Diego County. Which was very fun. For all of us. We saw family, we went to the beach, and I felt a little like my old self. (go here if you'd like to see some pictures of us having a good time) I think the presence of my mother is just pushing me to my outer limits. My parenting is nothing like it was in our own home, nor was it the same as when I was out of this home this weekend. So, right now my goal is to figure out how to not let the presence of my mother (and seriously, sometimes she comes and watches me. i think we're going to have to talk about that.) effect me or my parenting. Also, we've had some rain here in So Cal, and rain always bothers me a little. Not just the wet and the morons that are So Cal drivers. Just the dark and the gloominess of it. And the no sun part.

Sometimes being angry helps me find who I am. And right now, I am angry. A lot. In the last year, I have found that 3 of my friends have husbands that pretty much want to divorce them. And not one of them has a good reason. Not one. I cannot go into details of any. And while two of them most certainly have PTSD, and one of those has a TBI (traumatic brain injury) I don't really care. Get some help, because contrary to the belief of most media, the military does provide help for those that come home with problems. It's usually the soldiers that either won't go, refuse to go, or refuse to admit they even have a problem. I was talking to one of these friends this morning telling her about my other friend, and all she said, was that his new guy better watch out. I'm liable to go a little crazy on him if I ever see him. Which put me in touch with the old me a little.

But what really can throw me off is going to church. Luckily for me, most of the people that have known me since I was a teenager or younger, don't treat me as such. Which I really appreciate. It's just seeing all these people again on a regular basis that kind of throws me off. Hopefully I'll get used to it.

I need to speak up to my mom too. Like today, on the way home she made a comment about something, and how he was so rude. I asked, well why didn't you say something. And then I overheard her telling my dad about it, and she said how she was waiting for someone to tell her to go and....but no one did, and ....just so dumb. I just need to point out how ridiculous she is being. It isn't going to matter, one way or the other. But I hate how I feel afterwards. So, while I know she is never ever going to behave any differently, no matter what I say, I just need to say it. If I start working on this now, this skill may come in handy in later years. Who knows.

Blah. I feel like I'm just rambling now. I really should write in my journal. But not tonight. I should really go to sleep. It's just so nice to be alone.

Not myself

I have been spending the last half an hour trying to decide if I want to exercise. I think I want to, but then, I don't. I do feel good after. But I think my laziness is going to win out today.

I am just all over the place lately. My emotions are up and down on a regular basis. I try and get out and do things, and I have been pretty busy. But a least once a week, something happens or I do something that just kind of throws me off enough that it takes some time to recover.

When I come to my blog, I hesitate to share a lot of this. Mostly because it is incredibly personal. I know I don't have very many people that read this, so it's not like I am really sharing with the entire world about my personal issues. But I just can't bring myself to open up and let everyone see. And other than these things, I feel like I have very little to blog about. And I've been writing a lot in my journal. Like with a piece of paper and my awesome fountain pen. Which helps immensely.

What is causing all of this emotional stuff with me? Something fairly major, but it is taking some time to get through it all. Maybe forever, who knows. I will survive, but these last few months, and I'm sure the next few will just be rough, and I have a hard time putting it all here. Blogs should be interesting, entertaining, sometimes thought provoking.....and right now, I am just not there.

So, there you go. I'm hoping that I'll feel more like myself soon, and having so much sun here sure helps that. But my posting is going to be sporadic to non existent. Which is just sad to me. I LOVE blogging. Season for everything I guess.

Me and the kids

A few weeks ago, we had these pictures taken. I think we're going to do it again because, well, the kids and I could have followed directions better. We'll try to do it again when Matt is here.

See how long my legs are people? I didn't know where to put them.

Superbowl Sunday

Today as I realized that it was Superbowl Sunday, I remembered something. Four years ago, on Superbowl Sunday, Matt, Andrew and I arrived in the Dulles Airport with an appointment to see the pediatric neurologist the next day. I remember Matt being so tired he didn't want to stay up to watch it. I also remember that was the last flight that I was on where I wasn't a basket case. It was also the beginning of a three week stay. I blogged about this whole thing here if you have the inclination to read it all. It seemed so long ago, yet not that long at all. I'm just thankful every day that things continue to be fine and that things worked out the way they did.

So, as I was reading through some of my old posts looking for that certain post, I realized my blogging has changed drastically in these last few months. There is a pretty good reason, I just need to find that person again. So stay tuned. My posts should stop being so whiny, cranky, and complaining soon.