Monday, November 24, 2008

You know

I love blogging. I just do. I don't know what it is about this typing something up, posting it on the Internet and having complete strangers (and sometimes people you actually know) leave you comments. I know that when I started this blog, it opened a huge door for me. I was pretty much a single mom while my husband did his classroom part of PA school. I needed these cyber connections with people as my world was very small then. It still is actually, but I can deal with it better now.

It is partly because of comments and how people will sometimes post things on their blogs just to create a pity party for themselves that I have hesitated to post a few things, and why I just might turn off the comments for this one. I'm not sure yet if I will or not. I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I hate it when people feel sorry for me. I hate having the whole world know of my deep personal troubles and having to deal with a new person coming up to me at church or some other setting and bring up the whole painful thing. Just really not something I want. Some thrive off of that. For some it actually helps them heal. Well, I don't know if that's true, but it's possible. It just doesn't work for me. I guess my point is, I'm not posting this for the comments. I'm not posting this so you'll all feel sorry for me and leave me comments with "hugs" on it. (no offense to those that do that. normally i would be happy to receive said hugs, just not on this post)

About a month ago, in the space of about one week, I had great news, fabulous news, an argument with a sister about the great news and then devastating news. Seriously. All in one week. It was so overwhelming I had to put a hold on the blogging. (and several other things.) I just didn't feel like the whole world, (ok, so there's only four of you that actually read my blog) needed to know all my dirty laundry. And the devastating news is a pretty deep wound. A wound which will not heal for a while. If ever.

I have been very contemplative (thanks shell for the big word) these last few weeks about all of the news that I got that week, including the argument with said sister. Just trying to sort it all out, at the same time keep functioning and getting Andrew to school and getting things done at home, taking care of the Christmas shopping and card making..... Luckily, not many people are aware of the devastating news, so for me, it makes life so much easier. And while my blog is normally about everything, this is just too personal for me to share here.

So, my four readers, I ask that you forgive my sporadic postings. And perhaps obscure references to something that I won't be terribly specific about. (even though i'm not sure that this sentence makes sense, i'm leaving it because i think it sounds good.)

The songs I have now on my blog, are there for a reason. They are very calming for me. While Francis Cabrel might be to France what Barry Manilow is to us Americans, I love his music. So many of his songs are relaxing, calming. And I'm just a French freak, and everything sounds better to me in French. Even yuck words. So, these songs might stick around for a while. They help me stop and listen and think and just make me feel good.

So, my blogging friends, that is my little explanation. Why do I feel I owe this blogging world an explanation? I don't know. And I don't think it's much of an explanation. But that is as good as it's going to get.


Jessica S. said...

Ok, no comments, so let me be the first to break the rules.

Just wanted to know if I'm one of your 4 readers?

An Ordinary Mom said...

I sincerely hope everything is OK and that soon you will feel peace.

And I hope your pregnancy is still going well!