Facing my fear

I consider myself to be a pretty good cook. I can follow a recipe well. I am also a FANTASTIC baker. Cookies are my best thing. But, there is one thing that I'm afraid of trying: bread.

My mom would make our bread a lot when I was young. People thought it was so great that she would do that, but all I wanted was the white stuff. Then, while in France, I fell in love with good good bread. Long lovely baguettes that were soft on the inside and crispy on the outside. My favorite place in the world to get a baguette was just outside Orléans. They literally took it out of the giant brick oven, put it in a paper sack and handed it to you. You would tear off the croute (end piece) and steam would rise up. We would just eat it plain like that. Best bread ever.

Well, I've got a year without my husband. A whole year to be on my own, and to almost do whatever I want. (well, within reason of course!!) Recently, I bought some yeast. I know, scary. And then Saturday I was in a Borders (oh sweet bookstore, how I miss you!!!) and found a GIANT book on bread. World wide breads, regular old bread, the works. Even how to do things in a bread machine. Which I don't have, but I'd rather bake it in my oven anyway. So, one of the things I am hoping to work on this year is how to make bread. And not just sandwich bread, but a baguette. And maybe rolls. Maybe even cinnamon rolls. Perhaps try out some of the world breads. Foccacia? Ciabatta? Who knows what might happen????? I will post my successes and failures here. Sadly, you won't be able to share in any of the yummyness (well, if it even gets to the point of being yummy) but I'll do my best in sharing enough so that you can almost taste it. Next goal: get a good stone to cook on. Because you can't bake a baguette in a loaf pan.

I want to know

What do you say to your son when he comes to you with tears in his big blue eyes and asks you why his daddy has to leave??? And for such a long time??

I don't know what the right answer to that is. But I'll tell you what I did. I told him that it's part of his job. And then I held my giant-over-50-pounds-5-year-old in my arms and cried a little with him. And then he saw my tears and laughed and wondered why I was crying. (I rarely cry.) And then my arms hurt so I had to put him down.

Oh the choices we make in our lives.

Pain au chocolat

Today, I went to Panera Bread with Matt. Panera Bread is just such a yummy yummy place. Carbohydrate heaven. You walk in, and the bread, muffins, bagels and everything else there is just heave to look at. Before we left, I got back in line and got me some baguettes. And some of their cinnamon crunch bagels. A cinnamon roll. And what they call "chocolate pastry's". I am eating one of those "chocolate pastry's" right now. It is the closest thing to a vrai pain au chocolat I have tasted since I left France. I meant to get a croissant too, but I forgot. Which is just fine. Luckily, there is a Panera Bread about 20 minutes from our house. I am going to become a very loyal customer. I would even include a picture, but I just took the last bite of it. Oh so good, chocolaty and buttery.

Le tour

Today is stage 9 of Le Tour de France. Just in case you didn't already know that. Today they ended in one of the cities I lived in on my mission, Tarbes.

Tarbes is a small city, not as pretty as other french towns, and is in the south, not too far from Les Pyrénées. There I was introduced to all things french. French driving, french food, Leader Price, Champion, mille-feuilles, pain au chocolat, la belle langue française, train rides, les cuisses de grenouilles (frog legs), small cheap french apartments, HLM elevators.... Even though Tarbes isn't as pretty, or have any chateaus, and their cathedral isn't a Gothic one (it's Roman), it holds a special place in my heart. I love it. I asked Matt this morning if we could fast forward to the end of the race so that I could see Tarbes. Maybe if I get in the shower, by the time I get out, they'll be in Tarbes. (this link is different, you can access a webcam at this link)

And, on Tuesday, they start in Limoges!!!!! I served there too!! Talk about hills to ride your bike on! Of course these riders are used to hills, but they about killed me in Limoges.

I tell you people, sometimes I think I should have been born french.

I am SUCH a mom

Last Friday, as you know, we went out to the big city on a date with a friend of my husbands, who we'll call P and his date M. I had a great time, and enjoyed being with my husband. But I realized something after that evening: I am a mom. I know, I know, yes, I'm a mom. But it was like I couldn't stop talking about my kids, or the fact I had fruit snacks and a granola bar in my purse, along with hand sanitizer. It was as if all intelligent conversation in my brain left, and because my kids weren't there, that was all I could talk about.

It's not a terrible thing, not even a bad thing. But P and M aren't married, and don't have kids. And I'm sure I sounded like some sad little SAHM that never got out and that had no life other than her children. While at the moment, yes, my life is mostly about my children, I do lots more than that. I read a ton of different books about all kinds of things. I am trying to get involved with our FRG, I've traveled lots and lots of places, had tons of experiences. I've got a lot to offer, but for some reason, couldn't talk about all that other stuff.

I have this problem in other areas too. If someone mentions France or Germany, I can't shut up. I will talk nonstop about it. At least I notice it, right? It would be even more sad if I wasn't aware of what I was doing.

And I did talk of other things too, but I felt like I just kept going back to the mom thing. M had spent time at an Army Depot in Utah, and so we talked about small town Utah (such a sad place, those small towns), her dad is a member of our church, so we talked about that, she's active duty army, so of course talked about army stuff, about deployment.....sigh.

Mental note: must talk of more than just children and being a mom next time. Not to mention don't tell Matt how to drive while other people are in the car. Makes me look like a crazy person. (ok, so I am a little crazy, but regardless, I need to stop.)

Camera woes and karaoke bars

Friday night, I walked our kids to our neighbors before we left for our date. I left my purse (containing my camera amongst other things) next to the car we were taking. While I was at our neighbors chatting away, Matt had gotten in the car, and was waiting for me outside. In the process of doing that, he ran over my purse. Which means he ran over my camera. So, it's kinda my fault as he had no idea my purse was there. Oh well. I found another one, better than my old one, and I'm getting it for much less than in the stores. Yay ebay!

So, as a result of my camera problems, I wasn't able to take any pictures of Matt and I out on our date. We were meeting a friend of Matt's in the big city here, and we went out to dinner and to a Karaoke bar. It was pretty fun.

I don't get out much. I used to go out a lot when I was younger, and I just don't do that anymore. I sit at home and watch reruns of Frasier. Or my weekly Burn Notice. Or What Not to Wear. I rarely go out in public, especially where people are drinking, and drinking lots. It was kind of fun to watch people dance and go crazy, sing totally out of rhythm (so bad they sounded like they were trying to syncopate it), sing totally off key, watch an old man sing old country songs, watch my husband sing Bon Jovi (which he totally rocked at), and sing along with all the other songs I knew. I had a great time. There was a guy that was AMAZING. He sang New York, New York and was awesome. It was totally unexpected. he didn't look like a "singer", especially by the name that he put down. Doobs. I mean, you don't expect a guy with a name like that to get up and not even have to use the mic because his voice was so powerful and awesome. All of us just sat there stunned. We couldn't wait to hear what he did next. Then there was a guy that reminded all of us of Jack Black, who really got into what he was singing and actually performed. He was also awesome.

All in all, it was a great night. It felt good to be in a city. It also felt good to be out with my husband. Without children. Can't wait for our next date!

Going out on the town!!

Tonight, we are going to the big city and meeting up with a friend of my husband that he met within these last few months. As I love the big city, I am very excited!! And for more than one reason.

My husband isn't what you'd call a social butterfly. He doesn't put himself out there, making a ton of friends, and then keep in contact with people. That just isn't his thing. I've only ever met one person from his mission and never met anyone from high school. He's just a quiet guy. Well, in public he is.:) At home, not so much.

And then there is me. I still talk to people (before facebook and myspace) from high school, my mission, and the friends I made before I got married. I still talk to friends I met just after I got married. I still keep in contact with the friends I made at every duty station since we've been in the Army. I call them, I email them, friend them on facebook, and read their blogs. We've met up with several of my friends at different places, and I know Matt gets a little tired of it.:)

So, I am pretty excited to go and hang out with his friend tonight. I guess we're going to go sing karaoke. Or, THEY are going to sing karaoke. I'll be happy to sit and watch. And bring my camera of course.:)