This week, I had a conversation with my mother. Sometimes these conversations are good, and others not so good. This one started out a little awkward, but we got that figured out. Then she asked me the big question: Why aren't you coming for Christmas??
I told her I wasn't going back for Christmas this past August. She kind of poo poo'd it, and said something about a Christmas present for us. I've said it a few times since then, and it's like she doesn't believe me. This time, she asked me point blank. So I told her why. And then she tried to guilt trip me into coming. Mostly playing the "well, because you're not going to be there I guess we can't do this now, even though I really want to" card. And it did nothing. I did not feel guilty. I stuck to my decision, and said, well, I guess we'll have to do that another time. I hung up the phone, and I felt good.
I'm still kind of on that high. I've been working for a really long time to get to this point. And boy does it feel good. I've become my own person, and am making my own decision. And while I've done that for years, I've always felt guilty, felt bad about it. And would sometimes carry that guilt over to the next choice I would have to make, and have it influence my decision making. This time, I feel so free! It feels wonderful! And the best part is I know that I made the right choice for us.
All of this gives me hope. Because I've got a whole bunch of other things I'm working on. And sometimes it seems as if I'll never get to a good place or be consistent with those things. Now, I know that someday those things will happen, I just need to keep working on them. And not get so discouraged when I fail.
Just feelin' good.:)
A Man By Any Other Name
3 hours ago