Today I just feel tired. This isn't the just-back-from-the-gym tired. Or I've-been-cleaning-all-day tired. Or even the I've-been-running-around-all-day tired. This tired is beyond all of that. This is the I've-been-doing-everything-for-four-months tired.
Yeah, we did sign up for this. We knew someday he would deploy. You'd be an idiot if you were in the military and didn't expect it. But really, that doesn't really take away the tired feeling. I still am the only one to take care of the cars, bills, car registration, homework, housework, meals, yard work and any other kind of work needed to be done. It also doesn't help that I'm not the most organized person AND I forget things more often than I did before. Add all this to cold weather outside and kids with a ton of energy..........the best time of my day is when I'm at the gym or bedtime.
Something I hear often at church is "endure to the end". Usually it's paired with "keep my commandments and endure to the end". Or, " endure to the end, and endure it well". I got a small taste of that on my mission as I endured a terrible companion, riding a bike up hill both ways (literally, it was up hill both ways), people being rude, and young immature elders that you wanted to hit over the head. But my goodness. As difficult as that was, it was a million times easier than enduring this. And not just deployment, but adult life in general. But I think the most difficult thing of enduring is enduring well. To always do your best, to be happy even if you're dealing with something difficult, to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even if you're a lot slower than you used to be.
I'm still tired. I do my best to endure it well. It's just sometimes I don't. Tomorrow will be better, and I know I'll feel better. Maybe it's just enduring Sundays. Hardest day of the week sometimes. But, I will endure, and will do my darnedest to endure it well. Even if I don't feel like it.
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