Being home for a few days feels good. We had been on our road trip for three weeks, and even the kids were asking to go home. I have done multiple loads of laundry, and even emptied most of our van.
The hardest part of coming home, was coming home to an empty house. It was like he left all over again. I've been a bit of a sentimental dork too, because I don't want to move the things he left, or change the settings on the AC in his car. While that is very unrealistic, I can do it for a few days until I get a little more used to idea of him being gone.
While being mostly in civilian world for the last few weeks, many old friends and new acquaintances have made comments about how "strong" I am, or wondered out loud how I managed not to fall apart in tears every day. You know, I'll tell you how. I think about all the women who have come before me that have done the same exact thing, except in much worse times. Like my Grandma, who took a train from Utah to meet her sailor in Virginia before he got on that aircraft carrier. And that when she got there, that sailor had a ring, flowers and someone to marry them, which she did. My other Grandma sent her husband off to Korea six weeks after they were married, and he was on the front lines there, shooting off mortars, for the entire first year of their marriage. I think about how they had to wait weeks for letters, and only have small black and white photo's to get them through. I think about almost every one of the friends I have made since we joined the Army has sent their husband to either Iraq, Afghanistan, or another part of the world. If they can all do it, I can. I also have all this amazing technology that allows him to call me anywhere I am now that we have cell phones. We can use Skype and look at each other while we're talking, and have my kids be able to see their dad on the computer. And how the USO lets the soldiers make DVD's of them reading four or five books and then sends the DVD with one of the books included to the families so that their dad can read to them anytime.
I can do this. It will suck. It DOES suck. Some days I will want to hide. Some days will be amazing. Some days my heart will ache because he is missing all of this.
In the meantime, I'm hoping to work on some things, make some changes, and hopefully when he comes back I'll be a better me. And maybe have figured out how to make a good loaf of bread.
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