Yes I can

This week has been a little rough. My body is doing crazy things. Talking to my husband has become less regular. The weather is not helping things. I feel overwhelmed about all the things that I have to do, on top of the things that I WANT to do. Ugh.

My kids rooms are just disasters. While they have been cleaned numerous times, and been slightly organized, the STUFF that is in there has not been really gone through, and organized, well, since we moved here. And since our stuff is part of what is overwhelming me, I decided to attack my sons room. Last weekend, I saw these fantastic red and white and blue and white baskets. Since the overall theme in his room is spiderman with a little bit of space thrown in (I know, they don't go together, but he likes them both. Who says you cannot be spiderman in space???) the baskets were not only the perfect colors and the perfect size and shape, but they were 40% off!! So I picked them up. And since I feel that having my children involved in the cleaning of their rooms (even though it would be infinitely easier to do it on my own) today, with the half day, was a great time to start it.

We worked a lot of the afternoon. He helped put things away, and I started a bag of toys to be put in the goodwill box. We decided what would go in the new baskets. He got the hose of the vacuum and got the edges of everything, and did a fair amount of vacuuming. I emptied and got rid of these plastic drawers that we have had since we lived in Germany, and put everything that was in them in other homes. We are going to hang his spiderman clock, and his galaxy poster. He and I are both THRILLED with how his room is looking. I put together these wire cubes that we have used before (which are red!!), and put his new globe and a few other things in there.

This is only the beginning. My kids rooms are the easiest to tackle, as they have less stuff than I do, and honestly, throwing away or giving away their toys is a lot easier than getting rid of my stuff. The playroom (well, the loft that will hopefully be more than a playroom if I have my way) is next on the list, as well as my daughters room. I have also bought both of them new dressers (yay for craigslist!!!) as they have both had sterilite plastic drawers for their entire lives as dressers.

I am on a roll my friends. I have a bench in my garage that I got for an insane deal at World Market that I am excited to use and put baskets under for all our shoes. Then take the shoe racks that are downstairs up to my room to try and take control of my shoes. Once the shoes are gone, I will have this space next to my washer for storage or whatever the heck I want. I have a mantle that is waiting for me to put photos on and decorate with my glass bottle Eiffel towers. I finally have an idea of what kind of couches I want in my living room, which I just might be able to get this year! I want to have real bedroom furniture or at least use what I have better and add a few bits of color, or heaven forbid, actual curtains!!!!!

At the same time, I feel as if I am going through two extremes: feeling very low, sad and unhappy, low energy and not caring what my home looks like(not for any actual reason usually, but sometimes I do have a reason) to having all this energy, feeling happy, and actually having a vision of what my home could be, and then even the realization that I CAN accomplish my vision! (Well, within certain reason of course. I have a pretty big idea of what I want. Someday.) That feeling of power, of self esteem, of control over what I can control is amazing.

Right now, my goal is to do as much as I can before my husband comes home for R&R. Not too much time, and not too little. It is a realistic goal, and is totally possible if I take those little bites every day, every week......you eat an elephant one bite at a time. There will be set backs (because my kids are just like yours. you turn your back on the thing you just picked up/organized/put away and it is right back out. sigh.) But I have GOT to hold onto this feeling of accomplishment, of satisfaction, of happiness, of la joie de vivre. It will get me through until the sun comes out again. I hope.

Can I tell you a story?

At the beginning of December, a friend from high school that I still am very good friends with, gave me a call. It was the middle of the work day for her, and so I knew it was something pretty important for her to be calling me.

She proceeded to tell me about a very good, very old friend of ours. You can read their story here. Today she went to church at her parents congregation. Nothing short of a miracle.

The impossible.........

Something amazing happened today at the gym.

If you have never met me, I am pretty tall. And not just tall, I am mostly leg. Which makes buying pants tortuous (thank heavens for Jcrew and The Gap. I would always be wearing flood pants if not for them.). I also have long arms, arms that I like to call toothpick arms because they are SO skinny and shapeless. And having such long legs and a short torso, touching my toes has never ever happened without me having to bend my knees. Sometimes a lot. But today, that changed.

I reached over to stretch my hamstrings out, and suddenly I realized how close my fingers were to my shoes. I could not believe it. I really never thought that I would even be able to touch my toes.

I know this sounds very silly. And it kind of is. But it is also showing me that I CAN do it! I never thought I would. Which means I might be able to run. Or maybe get a six pack. Or perhaps even keep up with my husband. Ok, that last one probably not.:)

I just might actually touch my toes next week.

Masterpiece

Anyone out there watch PBS? We do, regularly. It is the only channel my kids watch in the mornings.

But, have you been watching on Sunday nights?? Masterpiece Classic is back. And boy am I loving it. Have you heard of Elizabeth Gaskill? She wrote at about the same time Jane Austen did, but about the working class. She wrote Wives and Daughters, North and South, and Cranford. PBS is showing Cranford and it is about life. Just the daily life of people. It is such a fantastic show. And at the end of the month, on January 24th, a fantastic version of Emma will be showing. I have seen it and I LOVE it. (thanks shell!)

Sometimes I find that the shows on TV are not worth watching at all. All the reality shows, where the producers choose the craziest people to throw together just for ratings. (there are some reality shows that are worth watching. just not the majority of them.) The sitcoms, that are so poorly written. I cannot stand it. I have had to become more selective in what I watch. Thank heavens for PBS.

Someone elses turn

Six, seven years ago, I received the calling to be the Primary pianist, for the first time. At the time, I was newly married, working full time, and teaching piano lessons after work almost every night of the week. I was a little upset that they would put me in primary. I wasn't able to go to any midweek activities, and my visiting teacher was someone I had known (and had dated her cousin) for a while. It was not easy for me to be there every Sunday, and not even have the opportunity to get to know anyone other than the chorister. Granted, that particular ward barely knew any of us young marrieds were in the ward anyway. Most had large families that were either out of the house, or almost out. They were doctors, lawyers, dentists, very successful businessmen/women and the like. While not all were like that, they were in the clear majority. Felt a little out of the loop as it was, and then they put me in a corner (literally) in Primary. I did not come out of that calling very happy.

Fast forward a few years. I did other things like be the Relief Society President, be a counselor in the Primary Presidency, play the piano for sacrament meeting, Girls Camp Director. We move to Fort Bragg, and I am the pianist in Primary yet again. Wasn't too happy about it, but at least this time around I had the opportunity to go to activities, and had a lot more in common with the people I was working with. It turned out to be a pretty good thing. I move to California. The first Sunday I was there (it was my parents ward and they had known me for years) I was asked to be the Primary Pianist. Again.

We move up here, and, thankfully, the ward split about four months after we got here. Before we get home from our road trip in August, I get a phone call. Would I play the piano in Primary until they can get someone else? Sure.

Today, they got someone else.

I used to think that when you were in the Primary, you didn't get too spiritually fed. You were dealing with kids that had a ton of energy, that don't really want to be sitting in chairs singing I am a Child of God yet again. Some are crawling on the floor, others are falling off their chairs, and there is always one or two that you think have borderline behavioral disorders. And it gets exhausting. But like anything involving small children, there are those moments. Those moments where all the frustration, the telling them over and over again to keep their hands to themselves, to stop eating their tie, or not to pull their dress over their head becomes worth it. I cannot tell you how many times playing those songs for them, and listening to them sing their hearts out, and reading the words as I play that my heart just swelled,with tears in my eyes, and I always pray that they don't blur my sight so I can still play. The simple wording of the songs reminds me that yes, I am loved. Yes, He knows me. Yes, coming to church on Sunday is worth all the difficulty getting out the door and getting through sacrament without losing my mind.

I am a little bit sad that I don't get to do it anymore. That now I get to go to Sunday School and Relief Society. Which are great things. But I think I will miss it. Lucky for me, we move a lot. And people always need piano players. I just need to wait until my turn comes around again.