Look!! Pictures finally!!

I am no photographer by any means. These are actually some of the last pictures I took. They are at a rest stop somewhere between my sisters house and Las Cruces NM. It was a good place for the kids to play for a few minutes before we got back in the car. We almost left Lucy's shoe there too, but the nice people next to us let me know her shoe had fallen out while the door was open. I just loaded all my pictures that were on my camera onto the computer. 214 pictures!!! I have a lot to catch up on. I will post pictures of our trip as I can. But they won't be chronological as that would take way to much effort on my part... I'm lucky to even post these ones tonight!

Lack of motivation

Does anyone else out there hate doing housework?

I am finding that housework is very overwhelming for my poor little brain. I see the millions of things that need to be picked up, cleaned, organized.... and my brain goes into over load and I shut down and end up accomplishing nothing. I have heard of Flylady and the Queen of Clean and that sort of stuff. And I actually have two books that are just on getting and keeping your house organized and clean. I've read a little in each of them, but nothing substantial.

I try to focus on one task, and sometimes I am able to do it. But then I have so many things to do that it is hard to know what to do next. And of course any job is made more difficult when there are two kids on your heels. So, are you just a super organized person? Or do you struggle with these same things? What are your suggestions? What works for you? I am beginning to think that I am just lazy. But my house isn't "dirty" its just cluttered, and things don't have places. I'm suspecting that the smallness of our house and lack of storage space has something to do with it. Along with two little kids and everything that goes along with that. Combined with a husband that is in school all day and studies every afternoon and evening that he's home, not to mention all day on the weekends....I have a hard time keeping up with my own stuff, let alone three other peoples things.

I have currently make a little graph and stuck it up on my cupboards with four tasks/goals on it, and the date. Then if I do it, I get to put up a smiley face. So far, its not going well, but I'm trying. I'm going to try and put on a smiley face tonight after I clean off the counters in my kitchen.

My goal is to start small, so I don't get overwhelmed, and just work my way up to being like the rest of you out there. (OK, so I'm sure not all of you are like that, but you can't be any worse than I am.) So, HELP!! I need a little direction and advice to try. What I'm doing just isn't working. This "hate" of cleaning comes from my childhood when I would clean something and it wasn't EXACTLY like my mom would want it, and I would have to go back and do it again. Or how much she focused on us doing this or that rather than on leaving it up to us to do it. Just pushing and pushing so much that cleaning was the last thing that I ever wanted to do. (I'm a little obstinate and stubborn. Tell me not to do something and I will just because you told me not too......Andrew does the same thing, I wonder why......) So I have got to overcome this problem because I am determined that our next house will absolutely not look like this one. I also need some advice on how to get your spouse more involved in the upkeep of the home. I know he's in school, but HELLO, he can put his own trash into the trash can five feet away from him. That is not my job.

I await your advice and your genius. And you have all day tomorrow to post a comment because I won't have my computer until about 4 or 5 in the afternoon.....you would think without my computer to distract me my house would be cleaner.......

Conference Chatter

Sister Julie Becks' talk on Sunday morning of General Conference has been sparking a lot of discussion online. And while I listened to it only partly (its impossible to hear everything with two little kids building blocks right in front of you) I thought it very interesting. There are many places that have some good thoughts and some that do not have good thoughts. I need to go and re listen to the talk, maybe while my kids are sleeping, and take notes. You can go to byu.tv, choose Sunday morning session and go about 55 minutes in to listen to it again.

Some of what I have read have been at Daring Young Mom, Feminist Mormon Housewives, and Times and Seasons. They also have other posts on other parts of conference. Before I say anything about anything, I will need to watch or read the talks again. It is sometimes hard to hear everything that is said with two kids playing around you. If any of you have any thoughts about conference I would love to hear them. As a kid it was pure torture, and I had no idea that there was even Saturday sessions. Now I enjoy them, and when I was on my mission it was pure heaven to go and listen to conference.

Warning

On my drive back home, I got brave, set my control issues, my paranoia, and my anxiety aside and used the cruise control in my van. At the time I was in the completely boring/barren part of Texas between El Paso and San Antonio. The speed limit during the day was 80 (there's a different limit at night in Texas) and so I set the cruise control to 85. I figured I would be just fine. Partly because I just wanted to get home!!! It is such a long drive, and I figured the extra five miles would get me there just a bit sooner. After I had been flying along, I see lights in my rear view mirror. Great. This is only the second time I have ever been pulled over in my entire life. (The first time was because I didn't have my sticker on my plates. I always forget to send in a copy of insurance with my registration, so it takes forever to get my sticker. After he pulled me over and I went home, I found my sticker in the mail that day.....) I pull over, and he comes over to my passenger window and says to me "Ma'am, I clocked you going at 85". My response is "I know. That is what I have my cruise control set to". At the same time, he is seeing the inside of my van, which at that point, probably looked like we lived in it. Not to mention the two little kids in the back. He asked where we were coming from and where we were going, and I told him. I think he felt sorry for me because he knew just how long of a drive it was. He let me off with a warning. Needless to say I set my cruise control for just at 80 this time.

Hmmmm

I was talking to someone the other day. She is on "house rest" where she isn't supposed to be doing a whole lot, but isn't on bed rest. She is about 4 weeks or so from her due date. And as women do, I started asking what her plans were for delivery and that sort of thing. Well, she wants to have her baby at home, with a midwife.

When I heard that, I thought "this woman is crazy". But I kept my mouth shut, and just asked a few more questions about it. I tried as hard as I could to not say that she was (in my opinion) taking a huge huge risk in that choice.

I understand peoples desires to give birth without the epidural or other pain medication. I can see the benefit in not putting drugs into your body. I can understand wanting a midwife, and not a doctor. I struggle with the fact that she will be a few miles away from a hospital that is equipped to take care of her needs if there is something that goes wrong.

Yes, women have been delivering babies for thousands of years without pain medication, without doctors and all of those things. And many many of them died in the process. Now we have the knowledge and technology to keep these mothers and children alive. I believe it is a gift that we have. Yes, we need to use it correctly, and not just hand out the pain meds. I know 2 other mothers that would not be with us today if we did not have the technology and medication that we have now. One gets so sick that she loses weight throughout her entire pregnancy, and has had many many IVs and even a feeding tube that bypassed her stomach and went straight to her intestines. Another one who had a little boy 8 weeks early after being on bed rest for more than 6 months and he was delivered Cesarean, and was in the hospital for many many weeks. So many other women who's lives were saved because of the knowledge that we have now. 70 years ago, these women and their children would never had made it. I would be without a sister and a best friend. I have had to have two emergency c-sections because of a breech baby, and then because of my previous c-section (and the fact that there wasn't any lax left on the umbilical cord because she did gymnastics in my uterus) I had to have another one after 4 hours of pushing and not progressing. How I wanted to be like other women and deliver a baby how we were made to do it. But it wasn't to be.

So, in some ways I understand why this woman would have these desires. But at the same time, I feel like she is taking a huge risk with her life and her baby's life.

We are lucky that we live in this time where we have these options and choices. And that is wonderful! I just have to learn to not judge, keep my mouth shut, and then pray that both mother and baby are healthy. But there isn't a person on this earth that could convince me that it is better to deliver at home, without a doctor close by, without professionals that know how to take care of those newly born babies, without an anesthesiologist, without the IVs, without having all that is needed there and ready just in case. When my life is on the line, and my child's, the place where all of those things are available is where I need to be.

Have any of you encountered this before? Have any of you had home births? Even if we don't agree about what is the "right" way, at least I can have a better understanding. Maybe next time someone tells me that they are choosing to have their baby at home I won't have such a crazy gut reaction to it. Maybe I'll be less judgemental and more respectful of their choice.

A little bit of art

I saw the above picture at Deseret Book last week when I was there with my sister. It had a horribly ugly frame around it that was gold, but it was 20% off. I had to buy it. It didn't end up being that much. I cannot wait until I am in a place long enough to know what other frame I want it in and then actually hang it up. I similarities between this picture and my mission were amazing. It rained all the time on my mission, and we were often on streets that looked just like this. Although we did not wear matching white shirts and black skirts....but I still love this picture.

At Time Out for Women, they handed us a little bag when we walked in. It had a small book with empty pages to write on, a bookmark, a small holder of tissue, and a few catalogs. One was this company called Impressions Everlasting. The first time I thumbed through the pages, I wasn't impressed. I put it back in the bag, and forgot about it. I looked through it again, and noticed the above picture. I wish I had enough money to own this one. We were married in the Los Angeles Temple. I love the hills in the background, the palm trees, the sunset. The cheapest ones of these are $850, so there is no way we will ever own this. Unless somehow they decide to make more.

I never really know how to decorate my home, or what I even like. But these pictures would (and will) go up every time. I cannot wait for the day that we are in one place long enough to hang pictures on the walls.

Just something quick

I just finished watching the 6th installment of the PBS show called The War. I had read about it in Newsweek when I had first gotten to California. I thought that it would be interesting to watch. I cannot remember when the first one was shown, and last week I was on the road quite a bit. But now I'm wishing that I had had Matt program them to be recorded so that I could watch them. Tonight's show was about the Battle of the Bulge, Iwo Jima, the fire bombing of many cities in Germany (which was so hard to hear as I had been to and knew where several of these cities were), and the liberation of a prison camp in Manilla as told by a 12 year old girl that was there with her family.

The only thing going through my mind as I was watching this was the pain and suffering of so many on both sides. When they talked about the bombing of Dresden, I remembered being there and seeing the postcards of the destruction that our bombs had made. And seeing a building still in ruins as a reminder. And of the story of the time and effort the city made in rebuilding all of its beautiful old buildings by painstakingly going through the rubble and using as many stones as possible to rebuild the churches, the opera house, and other buildings there. (it was worth it. I wish I could have spent more time there)

I would love to watch the whole thing, but the DVD set is $130, and that is just a little too much for some DVDs. I'll have to watch ebay in a few months to see if I can get it for cheaper. If you have the time, watch the next one. I have no idea when it is, but go to PBS for your local listings.

I think one of the first things that I'm going to do when (if ever) I go back to school is to take some world history classes, and learn a little bit more about this. Hopefully that day will come.....

sidenote: I have many pictures and things to talk about from my trip, but my husband has the computer at school with him all day during the week, and I only get it in the evenings. I don't even know what program for photos this computer has. I will work on it......I'm sure you're all dying for pictures of Andrew's birthday party, pictures of us at the LA County Fair, and other riveting subjects. Don't critique my photo taking skills. You try getting a two year old to sit still while you take a pictures....or to even look at you when there are pigs and cows to look at instead.....