Well, it is official. Our computer is dead. They had it from August 15th, and everything they tried didn't work. As a result, we will only be using Matt's laptop. Which means that I will be without Internet and computer ALL DAY until he gets home. How will I survive?? I already stay up way too late reading blogs or watching Law and Order.....
The positive of this is that it will end at some point. Once we are out of the schooling part, he will not need the computer at the hospital, and it will be mine!!!!! But that will happen sometime in January.
I will be leaving in a few days and where I'm going I may or may not have access to a computer. I will post if/when I can, but don't hold your breath or anything. I may be so busy I won't have time for it!! Hopefully I will have some great pictures to share when I get back.
I have a question for all of you out there. How do you deal with your in laws??? I was talking about this today with a friend, and we have essentially the same problem, and it involves our husbands too. There is a very very small chance that we might move to Vegas instead of Fort Bragg. (very very very small). Which would only be four hours from home. Matt has a sister that lives in San Diego. Only about an hour and a half or so from where his mom lives. She hardly ever goes to see her daughter and grand kids. Maybe once a year. Matt's sister is always driving up to see her mom. Matt's dad only came to see us here because he came on business. I think I could count on both my hands the amount of times both of them called us while we were in Germany. I think they have called two times since we've been here. My thought is, it doesn't really matter where we live when it comes to them. They won't make the effort to come no matter where we live. That is just not how they function. But I can tell you that my best friend and I would be back and forth, trading off every other month going to visit. I know my parents would come out fairly often. Maybe its just how we were raised, or maybe its how we feel about our families that gives us the lack of or the motivation to make the effort. It is not my job to make him have a good relationship with his parents. He is a big boy, and it is not in my job description. I refuse to buy his parents mothers or fathers day cards. Birthday cards too. So, obviously they don't get them, and I even have to remind him to call. But from the other end, Matt's aunt died, and we would never have known if Matt hadn't called his dad about something else.
I just struggle with them. But I have realized that they are both so wrapped up in themselves and their own problems, that they either aren't able to, or choose not to make the extra effort. (i don't see it as extra effort. To me it is just something that you do and is totally normal) All I know is that I will be teaching my kids that it is important to make the effort. It is important to drive the two hours or whatever to see someone play in their soccer game, graduate from high school, or just to spend time with them. It is important to make those phone calls.
Anyone have any suggestions or have any experiences they want to share? I'm working on how to deal with this, because this isn't something that will just go away. And I don't want to resent them or avoid visiting them because I don't want to deprive my kids of grandparents, no matter how irritating they are.....
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20 hours ago
3 comments:
First, allow be to give my condolences to you and Matt for the loss of his aunt.
Second, you give so much of the answer you are looking for in your statements. Is it that you want Matt to have a similar relationship with his parents that you have with yours? You have compared the relationships at least once before. How does Matt feel? Maybe he also realizes how "wrapped up in themselves" his parents are and intentionally holds them at a distance for the sake of his family and self preservation.
I don't think it means Matt doesn't love them or even that they don't love Matt. But sometimes the closest people, even parents, have issues/beliefs/morals that are better left away from their loved ones and their family.
Familial relationships can be complex. You are close with your family and still have frustrations. Matt's parents may not be close at all and he may have frustrations. Or not. Maybe it's enough to do our best to make each other (as husband/wife/father/mother) as happy as possible. And, yes, to show our children how grateful we are for them, and hope that we will always be a part of their lives and that they will always want to be a part of ours.
Anonymous makes a good point. I'll have to think about that myself.
The reality though is that I'm not sure you would really want him to relate to his family like you relate to yours. I mean, you have relationships with your family...but they aren't all healthy. You are at least trying to have relationships on your own terms.
However I do think that there is more to this than the desire for similar relationship. I think it is more the release of responsibility. You want to not be responsible for making the connection with his family and also not responsible for the emotions when the connection isn't made.
Not sure that makes a lot of sense but we talked about it earlier...and it made sense then.
Only 5 days! I bought us a three-disc 80's cd set. We'll be dancing on the ceiling!
that will be a little rough in my van....
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