tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3061159764229648120.post4762891388878537479..comments2023-08-18T00:38:57.079-07:00Comments on life as a military wife: Lowering ExpectationsTJhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09831373324547267019noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3061159764229648120.post-25473783351162354832008-09-12T10:35:00.000-07:002008-09-12T10:35:00.000-07:00Oh - and one thing that stood out in reading the c...Oh - and one thing that stood out in reading the comments is that we might be born into a family - but in the end we get to choose who our real family is. Just because biologicals don't do the job well doesn't mean we won't find people who love us in a way that fills that void.Shelly!https://www.blogger.com/profile/08614007608367513032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3061159764229648120.post-59593238789824959472008-09-12T10:33:00.000-07:002008-09-12T10:33:00.000-07:00Look at all the support.Wish J.Ammon's response wa...Look at all the support.<BR/><BR/>Wish J.Ammon's response was workable in every situation :)<BR/><BR/>As I've said before - I'm 100% behind you making a change to let things go. Let's you and I both try to leave "good enough" alone. <BR/><BR/>(And rock on - my word verification is heckya - that's a sign!)Shelly!https://www.blogger.com/profile/08614007608367513032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3061159764229648120.post-37949163539892286692008-09-12T06:22:00.000-07:002008-09-12T06:22:00.000-07:00Wow, I can see why your in-laws have trouble meeti...Wow, I can see why your in-laws have trouble meeting your expectations. What great grandparents you had! What fun memories you must have because of that. <BR/><BR/>Expectations are a tricky thing. But at this point you are smart to realize that your in-laws are not that kind of grandparents. And that's okay. One of the things I continue to learn as I get older is that I can't base my happiness on other people's actions. I have to just be happy in my own little world -- anything that comes from "outside" is just a bonus (or a minor irritant.) I don't succeed at that all the time, but more and more I can do it. It's very freeing.Nicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03483596974615339501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3061159764229648120.post-33511300459969943112008-09-12T01:12:00.000-07:002008-09-12T01:12:00.000-07:00I like forcing my expectations on people to the po...I like forcing my expectations on people to the point of making them uncomfortable. It's not so much that they finally live up to what I expect and more of the joy and satisfaction of having broken them to my will.<BR/><BR/>Also, I like to make my expectations ridiculously high.J.Ammonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18389356066097415064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3061159764229648120.post-21119203621200277992008-09-11T23:39:00.000-07:002008-09-11T23:39:00.000-07:00I talk to my in-laws once every other year--when I...I talk to my in-laws once every other year--when I see them in person. They make zero effort, and I make zero effort. This is an outgrowth of the relationship we had before my wife and I got married. Becca and I were together for almost two years before we got married, and even though I was in their home several times a week, they made zero effort to get to know me then, either. Now that I live thousands of miles away, I don't feel like this is a bad thing.<BR/><BR/>I don't know about Matt's family, but Becca's family is full of drama. And because we live far away, we avoid most of that drama. And because no one in her family ever talks to me, I only hear about it if Becca chooses to tell me about it. I think I much prefer it that way, because taking the "good" from them would also mean that I'd have to take a lot of the "bad"--requests for loans that would never be repaid, emotional abuse from her father (usually in the form of blame for all his problems), and the occasional family member moving into my home because they couldn't manage their finances properly.<BR/><BR/>Yes, I think I'll take the "zero effort" relationship I've got.steve-ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15889869551016319903noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3061159764229648120.post-4166001926957101632008-09-11T21:54:00.000-07:002008-09-11T21:54:00.000-07:00I come from a different type of family culture, an...I come from a different type of family culture, and my DH's family is like yours. It comes across to me as overbearing. Funny how with a different frame of reference our expectations are so different.<BR/><BR/>Blessings,<BR/>JenJennifer @ Fruit of My Handshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11479983078312955832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3061159764229648120.post-84785771330403992492008-09-11T19:46:00.000-07:002008-09-11T19:46:00.000-07:00Oh I so feel your pain, only it's my own parents t...Oh I so feel your pain, only it's my own parents that are doing this, my husband doesn't even have any parents. I am so sad for my girls that they don't really get to know the joys of grandparents. I looked up my post that I wrote http://ldscancermom.blogspot.com/2007/05/family-ties-that-bind.html<BR/><BR/>My parents ditched us when Fiona was diagnosed with cancer....how sad is that? I agree, you really have to lower your expectations and not expect anything. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised, of course that's just my optimism coming through.LCMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09302609358772748900noreply@blogger.com